17 ways horse maths gets us out of trouble every time

It’s been a while since the phenomenon of “girl maths” took the internet by storm, but what about horse maths? As the participants of an eye-wateringly expensive hobby, equestrians have long since perfected the mental gymnastics involved in convincing one another things aren’t quite as bleak as they seem money-wise.

Whether you’re trying to kid yourself, your friends or indeed your spouse, studying the theory and practical applications of horse maths can help smooth over financial discrepancies and restore harmony in a budget-conscious environment. Here’s our list of the very best horse maths examples.

Horse maths: the basic principles

1. If you own several horses of the same colour, it technically counts as one.

2. For each hour you intend to spent at the yard, three go by – meaning you have the ability to manipulate time.

3. You paid more for your saddle than you did your horse, but you’ll be using it at least five days a week for the next 10 years – so the cost per use is practically pennies.

4. Horses are great listeners and will always tolerate you venting about your problems – so you’re saving on therapy. Not that you’d ever have time to attend a session, that is…

5. You bought a new saddlecloth to get your online basket total up to £100, meaning you saved £7.95 on postage and the saddlecloth was basically free.

6. Spending hundreds on training and winning a rosette that cost less than a quid to make is fantastic return on investment.

7. Speaking of winning, if your prize package includes a bag of chaff or a tack shop voucher then your horse is earning his keep.

8. You can justify an expensive new rug because you’ve already picked out some of your old kit that’ll sell well at the next table-top sale.

9. You don’t bat an eyelid at £70 for a set of horseshoes… meanwhile your only pair of trainers have an almost fully detached sole, so it’s duct tape to the rescue.

10. The enterprising practice of mending haynets with baler twine will save you a small fortune over your lifetime.

11. Half a bale of shavings is saved every time your horse stales outside his stable.

12. If you didn’t call the vet this month, you made money.

13. You have more saddles than you do horses, so when you do inevitably buy another, he already has tack.

14. If you pre-enter a show, your classes are free on the day.

15. Owning a library of saddlecloths means you don’t have to wash them as often, saving on water and electricity.

16. It’s impossible to know how many headcollars, lead ropes or hoofpicks you own, so it’s always worth buying another.

17. And finally, some clever horse dad maths. When you’re tired of paying for a weekly riding lesson, buy your child a pony so they can ride every day for free!

• Be sure to let us know any we’ve missed out by emailing us at hhletters@futurenet.com, including your name, nearest town and country, for the chance for your letter to appear in a forthcoming issue of the magazine.

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