What are the important life lessons? Here’s what these successful folks said.
Helen Dennis writes the weekly Successful Aging column for this newspaper.
In later life, we typically have more time to be reflective and consider what is important in life’s journey.
That was the mindset of a group of 15 men and one woman who are members of the Life Transition Group. This group is predominantly made up of men with meaningful and successful careers creating their next life chapter. Most are retired. They were entrepreneurs, physicians, attorneys, advertising executives, engineers and business owners ranging in age from the late 50s to early 80s. Most were in their mid-70s.
The chairperson asked the following question: “What have I learned in this life transition?” Here are some of their answers.
To know the importance of friendships: The group learned to expand friendships to new folks, deepening current relationships and rekindling friendships from the past. That also included the importance of developing friendships with younger people. “We can learn a lot from them while we also can input some of our ideas,” noted a retired advertising executive. “Be proactive, be the initiator and reach out to others,” noted another. The woman in the group, a retired etymologist, described how she made wonderful new friends by reaching out to join the local gardening club. She said, “Not too many women in the club have spent their lives with bugs.” “Knowing to have others in our lives is a blessing,” added another.
To simplify…simplify: Although a bucket list is important, we need to have a “chuck-it list,” another noted. He continued, “That applies to work, people and commitments. It’s deciding what really is important in this stage of life and eliminating aspects that aren’t significant.”
To unpack what I have learned: The group emphasized the importance of being aware of the knowledge, skills and experience that have led to their meaningful and successful careers. The challenge is how to repurpose those assets and apply them to a different environment. It was noted that we often forget or even discard the treasure trove of assets we acquired over a lifetime.
To keep some structure: Having structure was a common theme that needs to be balanced with unstructured time, such as going into the garden and reading a book. “To ensure that free time happens, it’s important to schedule it,” commented an author. We need to have something to do every day…and make a contribution,” added another. For some in the group, achieving balance continues to be a struggle. One member said, “We had little choice in our careers; now this is no excuse…and “don’t coast; we need some goals and cannot let our minds atrophy.”
To be spiritual and trusting: Spirituality is an anchor to a member’s daily life making him feel more connected as time moves on. Meditation is one of his practices. A retired physician said, “We need to believe and have trust that things will work out and not get bogged down in difficult situations. We need to experience the moment and give ourselves some slack.”
To be knowledgeable about health: This is taking responsibility for our own health with knowledge as the key. One member, a former marathon runner, said he almost has become a fanatic, wanting to know why, when and how regarding health-related subjects.
To appreciate my wife: This comment created a uniform chuckle, acknowledged by at least one man who became more aware of all that his wife did. This is about relationships and gratitude knowing it is never too late to say thank you. And it’s never too late to express appreciation to partners, family and friends.
To be prepared for the unexpected: It’s imperative to be prepared for a death, disability or poor health affecting you or a loved one. This concern was so strong that two members of the group partnered and developed a project called “My Banyan.” Its mission to “help you organize, secure and share your life’s most important information when it’s needed the most; it’s a (digital) life organizer that grows with you” and can be shared with family. https://www.mybanyanlife.com/
In addition to lessons learned, the group added a few thoughts on what is important to age successfully.
Laugh more. Know what makes you happy. Be selective with whom you spend your time. Be patient. Just let things evolve given we may not have as much control over things as we once did …and focus on the things we can control. Find joy in the smallest things, be fit, curious, focus on the positive and avoid the “should have, would have and could haves.”
These lessons learned and components of aging successfully are applicable to all life stages. Thank you, members of the Life Transition Group, for your contribution.
Helen Dennis is a nationally recognized leader on issues of aging and the new retirement with academic, corporate and nonprofit experience. Contact Helen with your questions and comments at Helendenn@gmail.com. Visit Helen at HelenMdennis.com and follow her on facebook.com/SuccessfulAgingCommunity