Sorry, folks: John Mulaney won’t be the new Oscar host in town

The dream of John Mulaney bringing his unique brand of self-deprecating humor and tall suit-wearing to the Oscars stage is apparently dead. According to The Hollywood Reporter (originally reported by Puck News), the comedian will spend this March’s ceremony on the bench, despite some fans’ (and Vulture’s) most optimistic hopes. Mulaney became many tired Oscar-viewers’ dark horse pick to infuse the proceedings with some new blood earlier this year, after his stellar audition of sorts hosting the “non-televised” Governors Awards in January.In a wide-ranging monologue, Mulaney unsurprisingly managed to nail the tightrope walk between roasting the ceremony’s famous guests without tipping over into saying anything actually offensive—a feat he primarily accomplished by teasing the event itself. “Ladies and gentlemen, it is an honor and a favor to be here. This is a strategic obligation,” he opened. With a new Netflix special (John Mulaney Presents: Everybody’s In L.A.) and another major tour likely on the way, it seems like the gig just wouldn’t be as strategic for him this time around. Or maybe he’s just worried that the background check would dredge up evidence that he actually did have a hand in Princess Diana’s death. It’s really anyone’s guess.Unfortunately for the Academy, they also won’t be able to return to their old faithful, Jimmy Kimmel. The four-time host was naturally the Academy’s first choice, but THR reports that he refused duties for both the Oscars and the Emmys this year—potentially due to his stated desire to bring a little more balance to his life. Maybe this means the long-time host genuinely does see his retirement on the horizon, or he could just be committing to the bit. Accepting the post in 2023, he wrote in his statement, “I always dreamed of hosting the Oscars exactly four times.” We love to see a man living his dreams (and leaving a notoriously thankless job to boot). But while Kimmel’s extended tenure has allowed the Academy to relax a little over the past few years, they shouldn’t have to search too far this time around. Come on, guys—Aidy Bryant is right there.