‘Longlegs’ review: A preposterous movie that takes itself too seriously
Osgood Perkins’ “Longlegs” is a preposterous horror movie that takes itself extremely seriously. At first this is a relief given how many horror movies, even well-made ones like 2022’s “Barbarian,” trip themselves up with sitcom dialogue. But throw psychic CIA agents, voodoo dolls and a devil-worshiping Nicolas Cage into the picture and you’ve got a movie that begs for just a smidgen of self-awareness.
Though “Longlegs” follows the basic rhythms of a police procedural like “Silence of the Lambs,” it lets us know early on that we’re dealing with the supernatural when young agent Lee Harker (Maika Monroe) correctly surmises the presence of a wanted criminal in a nearby building through what is apparently a hunch.
This leads to a great set piece inside an empty house wrapped in plastic that flutters like ghosts, but the case turns out to be a red herring, and Harker’s “hunch” gets her assigned to the Longlegs case. She apparently has some sort of connection to the titular killer, which is eventually spelled out in a voiceover that unravels the mystery so thoroughly it borders on contemptuous of its audience’s intelligence.
Nicolas Cage as Longlegs isn’t in the movie much, which is par for the course in these kinds of films; Hannibal Lecter was only on screen for about 15 minutes in “Lambs,” Buffalo Bill for maybe 10. As with many Cage performances, your mileage will vary on how “good” he is in the role, but he’s certainly unforgettable.
Caked in the kind of makeup Gary Numan used to cover his zits, Cage dresses like a parody of Cate Blanchett in “Carol.” The makeup used to alter Cage’s face isn’t exactly convincing, but maybe that’s the point: Longlegs has dolled himself up for his beloved Satan. He looks a bit like Buffalo Bill from “Lambs,” but that movie’s transphobia is toned down, as is the sense of the CIA as a bastion of normalcy defending America against its own freaks and outcasts.
He’s a lover of glam rock for reasons that elude me beyond Perkins’ desire to show off his own music taste, but if “Longlegs” does anything to help the great ‘70s glam rock band T. Rex become more than a one-hit wonder phenomenon stateside, it’s doing a great public service. (A poster of Lou Reed on the cover of “Transformer” also shows up. Not his best album! Check out “New York” instead.)
Perkins takes the existence of ESP and black magic for granted, but he never exploits it for its creepy awe: instead he uses it to tangle the screenplay out of the knots it twists itself into. Longlegs is notorious for seeming not to be present at the crimes he takes credit for. Sherlock Holmes might’ve found a practical solution to this puzzle, but Perkins uses the impossible to explain the impossible.
One wonders why “Longlegs” even needs all this woo-woo when it works just fine as a tense, creepy thriller. In a film where the devil himself seems to appear outside a character’s window, the scariest parts of “Longlegs” use abandoned buildings and dark corridors to generate suspense. As in “Lambs,” the camera is often waiting inside these locations rather than following Harker through the door.
Cinematographer Andrés Arochi likes to frame the characters in front of doors or windows, and we scan the background for threats. A simple pan across a lot, revealing a huge barn where we know we’ll find something horrible, is scarier than all of the Satanic inscriptions and demonic apparitions “Longlegs” throws at us.
“Longlegs” is a lot of fun while it’s on and you’re straining forward to figure out the mystery. It’s a shame that there’s ultimately no mystery and that the film tantalizes us with an intellectual puzzle while ultimately pulling out witchcraft and magic to solve everything. “Longlegs” won’t give you the willies, but it’s a fun movie to watch with friends — preferably the kind that can suspend their disbelief.
‘Longlegs’
Stars (out of four): 2.5 stars
Runtime: 1 hour, 41 minutes
Rated: R (for bloody violence, disturbing images and some language)
How to watch: In theaters