Why am I still confused about my sexuality as an adult?

DEAR DEIDRE: Surely, as an adult, I shouldn’t be confused about my sexuality still.

I’m 31 and I’ve had a lot of ups and downs with relationships.

My only serious girlfriend cheated on me the whole time we were together, which crushed my confidence.

Since then, I’ve never had much luck with the ladies.

It’s left me wondering if women are attracted to me, whereas guys seem to think I’m handsome.

I started watching gay porn because of this confusion and convinced myself that maybe I liked men.

I even hired a male escort to explore my sexuality.

It was a nice experience, but it didn’t give me the pleasure I thought it might. I decided it wasn’t for me.

Four years later, I’m still no closer to finding love.

Deep down, I know I want a long-term relationship with a woman, but lately, I can’t shake the urge to see the escort again.

While for him, it’s just a job, for me the memories of our sex are what’s keeping me going. I haven’t stopped fantasising about him.

I know I could use dating apps or try meeting people, but I’m torn between men and women.

At my age, I feel I should know myself better. What do I do?

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DEIDRE SAYS: It’s completely normal to feel confused about your sexuality.

Some people need time and experimentation to understand their preferences.

Remember, attraction can come from many places, like enjoying someone’s company or feeling safe with them.

Keep an open mind and be kind to yourself as you explore your identity.

Talking to someone who understands what you’re going through can be helpful.

Try contacting Switchboard LGBT + (switchboard.lgbt) and check out my support pack Finding The Love of Your Life for more guidance.