White Sox: worst team ever? Just kidding, of course they are

The White Sox can’t hit. Can’t pitch. Can’t catch the ball. Can’t walk and spit sunflower seeds at the same time. Can’t get out of their own way. Can’t win. Can’t stop redefining “worst team ever.”

Other than that, they’re in fine shape.

But they also can’t manage, speaking of Pedro Grifol. Were we speaking of Grifol? We should be. The culture he was hired to instill is the biggest punch line in baseball. His Sox don’t have much in the way of talent, but they also don’t do little things like hit the cutoff man, throw to the right base, keep opposing base runners from parading around like it’s Mardi Gras or resemble in any manner whatsoever professionals at their craft. At least their skipper doesn’t publicly rip them for it, because doing so might suggest he has a plan, a standard or even a clue.

Is this mother of all awful seasons — the Sox were 27-88 and on an American League record-tying 21-game losing streak entering Tuesday, you might have heard — all Grifol’s fault? Of course not. Owner Jerry Reinsdorf is the self-satisfied, media-avoiding tip of sports’ least-dangerous spear. General manager Chris Getz occupies a position he might not belong in. The roster is a who’s who of, “Who?” Even Luis Robert Jr., the team’s best player, is taking the field with such apparent ennui that Frank Thomas called him on it on NBC Sports Chicago’s postgame show after a 5-1 loss to the A’s on Monday.

But then there’s Grifol, whose winning percentage through 277 games as Sox manager was .318 after consecutive loss No. 21. If the Sox don’t bother to fire him and he gets, at his current rate, to the 315 games needed to qualify on Baseball Reference’s all-time list, he’ll have the second-lowest winning percentage of any manager who debuted after the beginning of the modern era (1900). Here’s to you, Doc Prothro (.301), who managed the Phillies from 1939 to 1941 and was nicknamed “Doc” because he also was a dentist.

Insert wisecrack about watching the Sox being like a root canal here.

Thomas, usually a congenial sort on TV who doesn’t offer much criticism, also went in hard on the feckless Grifol.

“It’s time to snap,” he said. “That’s the only way through to the players right now. Snap. I’m serious. I don’t want to hear no more, ‘We’re trying.’ No more, ‘They’re working hard every day.’ No, it’s time to snap. …

“We’ve lost 21 in [a row]. We’re the laughingstock of baseball.”

Look, it’s not easy to write about these Sox day after day. But if they can keep defying the odds with their epic, endless failure, we can keep digging into the pile of stink to find something else to say about it. One might say it’s our duty.

As the Sox chase down baseball’s all-time-longest losing streak, 23 games by the 1961 Phillies, there isn’t much to do but react with addled thoughts.

For example, the Sox’ record when trailing after six innings is — dear Lord — 0-56. That’s a whole story in itself, but it would be too depressing to sift through the sordid details.

Pitching prospect Ky Bush made his big-league debut in the series opener against the A’s and was tagged with the loss. Being called up to “the Show” is supposed to be the moment of a lifetime, not an invitation to an all-out fiasco. What did Bush do to Getz to deserve that?

Before this season, the worst Sox team ever through 115 games was the 37-78 bunch in 1932. You remember those fellas. In the standings, this Sox team would trail that one by a whopping 10 games.

Which is nothing compared with the 20½ games by which the Sox trail the current payroll-basement A’s, who were supposed to have a stranglehold on worst-team-on-the-planet status but instead insist on doing the little things such as refusing to roll over in baseball games. Don’t think the manager matters? Tell that to Mark Kotsay, who has a squad of nobodies playing like it matters, because it does.

After loss No. 21, the Sox have to go 16-31 to avoid out-reeking the 40-120-1 Mets of 1962, the worst team of the modern era. On the aforementioned postgame show, not even superfan host Chuck Garfein pretended to think that was possible. When you’ve lost Garfein, you’re in a dark, dark place.

Which brings us to Shohei Ohtani. The Dodgers’ megastar walloped his 34th home run of the season Monday, but — yeah, we know — yawn. Way more exciting was Michael Kopech coming on in the seventh inning of a 5-3 win against the Phillies and dealing his third straight scoreless inning since the Sox traded him at the July 30 deadline. What a find, that Kopech!

Eloy Jimenez, also dealt, had five hits in his first nine at-bats with the Orioles. Paul DeJong drove in two runs in each of his first two games with the Royals. Spared from the misery, the six veterans the Sox dealt to five teams with detectable pulses had been on the winning end of a combined 12 games from July 31 to Monday. The postgame high-fives must have felt wonderful, like little bites of cherry pie.

The White Sox’ pinned tweet on the social platform X says, “It all began in 1900. Celebrating 125 years of White Sox baseball in 2025.” Yes, that’s next year. Chances are the Sox won’t mark the occasion with a 125-game losing streak, but we can’t discount the possibility.