The Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (July 27-Aug. 2)
The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. And although the platform has rebranded to X, their humour lives on.
Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings. Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
Meetings? Girl, I’m watching the Olympics have some decency.
— Brianne Alexander (@briannenicolee) July 29, 2024
"childless woman" is such an 19th-century-ass insult. what else you got. do I render inferior tallow? do my cabbages grow pale and blemished? does the quality of my sock-darning bring shame upon my father's name?
— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) August 1, 2024
Shazam but for the name of the person who literally just introduced themself to me
— cosmic cowgirl ???????? (@blockhim2024) July 31, 2024
Heavy is the hand that adds the garlic
— meghan (@deloisivete) July 28, 2024
Why are there no bring your friend to work days so that they can see you have a serious job and do serious things for a living
— Salma (@lifeisasentence) July 28, 2024
there really is something about exactly 3 glasses of wine like 3 glasses of wine is that bitch. she’s moisturized she’s in her lane she’s flourishing.. she WILL be silly but she will also be in bed at a reasonable hour. I love her
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) July 28, 2024
Someone just randomly approached me for advice at the supermarket because “you look like you know what you’re doing with cheese” and I don’t think I’ve ever been more flattered.
— Joy Marie Clarkson ☀️ (@joynessthebrave) July 27, 2024
Why did no one tell me you could go to jury duty dressed for a yoga class? Because my dumbass showed up like I’m on an episode of Scandal.
— Jessica Marie Garcia (@JessMarieGarcia) July 29, 2024
my parents invited all their friends & family to a costume party then when people got there they found out it was actually their wedding pic.twitter.com/rck6JUwkY3
— lexie (@lexie_roessler) October 31, 2016
*simone doing her vault with an insane height*
— chairs ･｡ﾟ☆ *.☽ (@maetlyn_) July 28, 2024
german commentator: "usually only snoop dogg is this high"
TWISTERS is a hallmark movie (high-powered nyc career woman returns to rural hometown, gets convinced to stay by folksy hunk)
— Alison Herman (@aherman2006) July 30, 2024
my boyfriend just sent me this post. three days after I saw it. pic.twitter.com/1fqOFntz7x
— ally (@missmayn) July 28, 2024
at the end of the olympics they should just let athletes try out other sports for shits and giggles. need to see lebron hit the steeplechase. give simone the air pistol.
— monica (@waystarroyhoe) July 30, 2024
There’s a mirror in my parents’s house that could give body dysmorphia to a dog
— J (@yikingtons) July 29, 2024
He made me wear his jersey to his recreational league game and got dunked on ???? I was so embarrassed https://t.co/vVsQuxrzZr
— Taryn ❤️???? (@TARYNxOFFICIAL) July 31, 2024
coworker: you are so lucky that you don’t have kids
— .:RiotGrlErin:. (@RiotGrlErin) July 28, 2024
me: that’s not luck that’s on purpose
as a server when i go up to a table i always identify the group leader immediately and they have the final say in any decision
— uncle k8lyn ??? (@katttesquad) July 31, 2024
Husbands and BFs on the sofas at Anthropologie pic.twitter.com/qE8NGgvekO
— Mina Kimes (@minakimes) July 29, 2024
i was arguing w this little girl on roblox cause she called me a dumb 12 year old so i told her im 25 why she say “girl go clock in” ok girl now im pissed
— ????????♀️ (@bbglyyss) July 29, 2024
This boy flirted with me in Spanish and I tried to flirt back and he said “aw it’s so cute when you speak duolingo to me” okay wow..
— ARCHANGEL (@archangelcdj) July 29, 2024
Me getting yet another notice that all of my personal information has been compromised in a data breach pic.twitter.com/6Az24FeDg8
— Brittnay Johnston (@britthorsenoise) July 30, 2024
i remember when i was 8 one of my friends told me he was from korea and i asked whether he was from north or south and i was so proud bc i knew there were two of them and he looked at me like i was a fucking moron
— jess! (@jessicobra) August 1, 2024
I tried to walk along a curb recently and fell off https://t.co/7s91n3r4bl
— danielle weisberg for hire (@danielleweisber) July 30, 2024
My card declined while buying a homeless a Burger king meal and he laughed at me. He said sit out here with me. Somebody will come through for us ????
— Mitchelle Karoro (@KaroroMitchelle) July 30, 2024
If laziness were an Olympic sport, I’d come in fourth so I wouldn’t have to walk up to the podium
— Stone Cold Jane Austen (@AbbyHiggs) July 31, 2024
Trump: is she indian or is she black?
— Jenn???? (@JuniperFolly) July 31, 2024
White American: sooo i'm 50% irish, 25% italian, 12% german, and 0.02% cherokee :) oh and also viking
My husband has been working from home for 6 weeks. I’ve learned that he basically gets paid to be in meetings. Speak in meetings, meet with other people about their last meeting, and have meetings to plan for the next meeting. ????????????
— Tshépi ???? M. (@TshepiMOfficial) July 31, 2024
There should be a chili cook-off in the Olympics
— inspector ratchet (@_hood_mona_lisa) July 31, 2024