My situationship dumped me as soon as we had sex
DEAR DEIDRE: I thought giving a guy oral sex but holding back from intercourse would make him like me, but I was so naive.
Eventually, I caved and slept with him, and now he’s dumped me.
I’m 22 and he’s 26. We were in a ‘situationship’ for a year.
We met at a party and I instantly fell for him. He was confident, good-looking and had the gift of the gab.
We kissed and he told me I was gorgeous and he really wanted to get to know me better.
I was so flattered. I’m shy and not very experienced, and have only had one previous partner – my first boyfriend who broke my heart.
At first, this guy was so keen. He bought me dinner and drinks, and made me feel really special.
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When he dropped me home, I invited him in and things got hot and heavy on the sofa.
As we’d only just met, I didn’t feel ready for full sex, so I agreed to give him oral sex.
The second time, the same thing happened.
After that, he cooled and stopped messaging every day.
Other times, he would text to say he wanted to see me. Often it was late at night.
He’d come round, we’d have a few drinks, I’d give him oral, and then he’d leave. There was no proper conversation.
I started getting desperate. I thought if I had full sex with him, he’d want a real relationship.
So I invited him round for dinner, got dressed up, and asked if he’d stay the night.
The sex wasn’t great – he didn’t seem to care about my satisfaction. And the next morning, he left really early.
Then he blocked me. I haven’t heard from him since.
I feel so used. He’s made me feel dirty, worthless, and pathetic.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You’ve done nothing wrong and deserve far better treatment.
In future don’t be afraid to set out your stall, explain what you are looking for and ask potential partners what they want.
If you want a committed relationship and don’t want sex until you feel a real connection, own that.
As you’ve learned, using sex to get someone to like you almost never works.
There are good people out there, but this man does sound like an opportunist. Next time, be clear about your intentions and to avoid getting hurt, stick to your guns.
You’ll find it beneficial to boost your self-esteem. My support pack about this for more help.