Love your friend as yourself

Love your friend as yourself

Perhaps the most popular command in the Bible is to “love your friend”—or “neighbor,” as it’s commonly translated— “as yourself” (Lev 19:18). Less popular today are the preceding verses, which command friends to rebuke each other if one has sinned. In ancient Judaism, a good rebuke was a mark of friendship, although it had to be done the right way.

In the book of Leviticus, the commands to love and rebuke your friend are given in the context of the justice system. A loving friend will rebuke the sinning party in a lawsuit. In the biblical legal system, cases were sometimes judged by friends, village elders, and witnesses who saw neighbors in need of resolution (Gen 31:36–37; Job 29:7–16). The crucial responsibility of such a judge, according to Leviticus, is to remain impartial, a stipulation emphasized by repetition and Hebrew wordplay. Showing favoritism toward the powerful, or even the weak, is not an act of love.

Over time, the imperative to rebuke a friend became associated with wisdom, and it is frequently found in texts like Proverbs (Prov 9:7–8; 10:17; 19:25; 25:9–12; 27:5; 28:23). According to these texts, a loving friend tells someone when they’ve erred, so they can get their life back on track.

While the biblical book of Job is often considered wisdom literature, it frequently subverts genre expectations. Job is righteous, and yet his sacrifices fail to protect his children. In other books, if someone makes a sacrifice that is rejected, or if their children suddenly die, it is usually because of sin (1 Sam 13:8–14; Prov 11:21).

Three “friends” visit to comfort Job after the death of his children, and they try to be the best friends they can be by rebuking him for whatever sin he committed. He’ll be restored once he repents—or so they think. In this case, however, the expectations are flipped. Job’s suffering is not punishment for sin. Instead of a mark of friendship, the friends’ rebuke comes across like self-righteous presumption toward a friend in need.

Job recognizes that his friends are following wisdom protocols, but he raises the stakes and holds them to legal protocols. Job talks about his situation as one who is embroiled in legal troubles. His accuser, as he sees it, is God, who applied punishment too swiftly and with a heavy hand. He says the friends neglect the legal definition of a proper rebuke according to Leviticus 19:

Job accuses his friends of showing favoritism toward the most powerful disputant—God! If they are truly friends, they will remain impartial when they judge his case. Job wants to prove his innocence in court—but he wants an unbiased judge who is willing to say, “God, you are wrong! Job, you are right!” Job imagines a true friend who would rise up and bring justice to his trial (9:32–33; 16:19–21; 19:25; 31:35).

An imaginary friend is a way of loving yourself as a friend, especially when your friends don’t love you as themselves. Job is not the only character who relies on imaginary friends.

Lewis Carroll’s classic tale, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland (1865), shares affinities with the book of Job. Like Job, Alice’s story is told within a frame tale that opens on an ordinary day when suddenly nothing works the way it should. Like Job’s friends, the citizens of Wonderland become increasingly antagonistic, engaging Alice in a series of debates about logic, meaning, existence, and morality. Children’s literature of the time preached heavy-handed morals, but Wonderland subverts genre expectations and makes the self-righteous characters look silly.

The Cheshire Cat is an ephemeral character who appears and disappears suddenly between Alice’s arguments. The Cat is technically an imaginary character—in fact, everyone in Wonderland is part of Alice’s dream. The enigmatic Cat does not overtly take Alice’s side or help her win debates, but it is the only Wonderlandian that Alice calls a “friend.”

What sets the Cat apart is its objectivity. While other characters insist that there is logic in the chaos, the Cat readily admits, “We’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.” This genuine acknowledgement of reality seems to be where Alice finds friendship, and it is the kind of authenticity that Job sought from his friends.

“Love your friend as yourself.” It seems like an easy rule. But it means we must acknowledge when the world doesn’t make sense and there’s nothing we can do about it. Sometimes being a friend means going against the grain—providing objective judgement even when the world’s rules point in the opposite direction.

_{Featured image: ‘Job and his Friends’ by Ilya Repin via Wikimedia Commons. Public domain.}

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