Trump Will Debate (With Some Conditions) - SATIRE

Is Trump going to back out of the presidential debate? In this biting bit of satire, Alexandra Petri (The Washington Post) says Trump will debate - as long as some conditions are net:

Fine! I have agreed to the debate on ABC. But as I proposed during my wonderful speech Thursday, this should be the first of three. I propose that the second debate occur on Fox News, as follows.

The debate is held in front of a rally-size crowd of ...