Will Wearisome Kaepernick Ever Leave?
Sports pages used to be sane alternatives to the insanity of the news pages. No more. Normal Americanos have just gotten their heads around the fact that two guys, or at least non-women, fought for the gold medal in women’s boxing in the most woke Olympics in history, when we see, to our displeasure, that the odious Colin Kaepernick is weaseling his way back into public discussion.
Plus, Colin now would have a hell of a time getting an NFL helmet around his magnificent Afro, which has grown larger than some of the closer planets.
He’s still flogging the tired idea that he has a future as an NFL quarterback. If the current Colin Kaepernick is NFL quarterback material, I’m the next Archbishop of Canterbury.
Before we move on, let’s linger just a bit on IOC head Thomas Bach’s declaration that chromosomes no longer determine sex. Who knew? Bach must have gotten his MD degree from Woke U.
This nutso announcement should retire the gold in the freestyle leftist bloviation competition. Chromosomes — no matter what the trans-obsessives insist — and the resulting hormones and muscle mass do separate the boys from the girls. In a combat sport like boxing, if biology isn’t destiny, it’s way the hell ahead of whatever’s in second place.
And one is entitled to wonder what those original Greek Olympians, who competed nude in various hairy-chested sports, think of this abomination, and of such new Olympic “sports” as break dancing and skate boarding. What’s next? Crocheting? But I digress … Back to Colin.
A new Alice in Wonderland wrinkle in the sorry Kaepernick saga was added this week when we learned (be seated for this one) that Jim Harbaugh, the Los Angeles chargers’ new head coach, has offered Colin a spot on his coaching staff.
I’m not making this up, and I’m not quoting from The Babylon Bee. Funny, Harbaugh doesn’t look stupid. And I doubt he’s conferred with Chargers ownership before launching this fool’s errand. Kaepernick on the payroll, on the field or on the sidelines, would surely lead to ticket sales Hell.
Harbaugh didn’t specify what Kaepernick’s coaching duties would be. Perhaps he could instruct chargers players on different kneeling positions they could assume during the playing of the national anthem and tell them where to buy the best pig socks.
Harbaugh has won both a college championship and a Super Bowl, His Super Bowl win coming in 2013 with the San Francisco Forty-Niners with Kaepernick as his quarterback. Perhaps he’s allowing sentiment to cloud his judgment. But most sports outlets tell us Kaepernick insists he wants to play again.
Of course Kaepernick doesn’t deserve another shot as a player in the NFL. Not just for his delusional politics and his anti-American antics, though these are the main charges and specifications against him and would be enough.
Also while the helmets weren’t leather when Colin took his last snap in the NFL, his career is fast fading into the distant past. We’re talking serious ring rust here. Colin is 36, an awkward age for an NFL player. Not every QB can be Tom Brady. And Colin certainly sure as hell wasn’t.
Kaepernick Wants a Whipping Boy
But for all the sound and fury, I don’t believe for a second that Colin really wants to play football again. He just wants the NFL as a whipping boy and as an excuse for his racialist rants, as well as a way to stay in the public eye, ear, nose, and throat.
I’m sure he’s grasped that it’s far more lucrative and less dangerous endorsing the products of woke corporations than getting the stem-winding crap knocked out of him on the football field on Sundays. He’s been out of the game long enough to have forgotten the soul-freezing feeling of a 320-pound lineman with one big eye in the middle of his forehead breathing like a landfill bearing down on him with malicious intent.
Plus, Colin now would have a hell of a time getting an NFL helmet around his magnificent Afro, which has grown larger than some of the closer planets.
I’m well struck in years now, but my health is good. So perhaps I’ll live long enough to see Colin Kaepernick where he deserves to be, washed up as just another tarry shingle on the beach of old and forgotten news.
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