Halley Berry says she tries to avoid being identified as 'only a mom'
Valerie Macon/ Getty Images
- Halle Berry said that being a mother does not define her entire identity.
- She tries to stay connected to her aspirations outside being a mom, she said.
- Therapists told BI how parents can find an identity outside parenthood.
Actor Halle Berry might be best known to the world as Catwoman, but at home, she's a mother to her two kids.
"She's a mom first," Mark Wahlberg, her costar in "The Union" on Netflix, said about Berry. He added that Berry balances her career with motherhood. "I know it's not easy, but she makes it look easy." The pair were speaking to radio hosts on Audacy.
When asked how becoming a parent changed her experience as an actor, Berry, 58, said she still does what she wants as an artist.
"It certainly changed me as a mother, but what it also connected me to was I don't worry what my children will think about what I do," she said. "I want to instill in them, you have to follow your own dream, follow your passion, do what makes you tick.'
Being a mother doesn't define her entire identity, she added.
"I'm still an artist. I'm still a woman. I still have aspirations outside of being a mother," she said. "Before I was a mom, I was me, and I try to stay connected to that so that my life doesn't turn into 'I'm only a mom.'"
Berry, who had her kids — Nahla, 16, and Maceo, 10 — in her 40s, told USA Today in 2019 that she enjoyed being pregnant. With her kids growing older, she added that she was ready to return to her passions after 10 years of being in "mom mode."
"I think that's what keeps us young. It keeps me connected to my children because I'm alive in the world," she said.
Finding an identity outside of parenthood
Eugene Chong, a counseling psychologist and the founder of Seeding Minds, told Business Insider that parenthood comes with a shift in priorities. Parents spend more time and energy on their children, and their social life revolves around them. This can make them feel like they have lost their identity outside of being parents.
He said that to maintain their identities, they should establish boundaries to engage in activities that interest them and prioritize social engagements.
Roy Chan, a clinical psychologist and founder of Cloaks and Mirrors, agreed.
"Think of this like oxygen masks on a plane, where you take care of yourself before you help others," he said. Similarly, parents should not feel guilty for taking time for themselves. In turn, this will also help them to become more present with their children.
Karl Desouza, a therapist at Listening Ear Counselling & Consultancy, added that seeking therapy can be helpful — especially for parents who seek external validation to be seen as a worthy parent.
Working parents are often labeled with grand terms like "super mom." But these labels can hide the cruelty and pain of being seen as worthy only if a particular criterion is met, he said.
Chan told BI that working parents should use the infant care available to them to balance parenting and work. After work, they can set aside time to be present with their children.
"Be very wary of guilt-inducing advice, which pushes you to give up your identity to be a parent. It would be really important to turn on your critical lens to sieve out advice that doesn't make sense," he said.
A representative for Berry did not immediately respond to a request for comment from Business Insider sent outside regular business hours.