A text to the wrong woman destroyed my love life
DEAR DEIDRE: An accidental text message to the wrong woman led me to marry someone I don’t really love.
Now I think of my ex every day and the incredible sex life we had. I can’t help wondering how different my life would have been if it hadn’t been for my ‘sliding doors’ moment.
I’m on the brink of contacting her again.
I’m 40 and my wife is 38. We’ve been together for 10 years.
Twelve years ago, I started dating an incredible woman, who kept me on my toes, she was incredibly sexually confident but messed me around.
I got so fed up with the short-lived break-ups and the drama, that I started dating a second woman.
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The second woman was lovely, but she didn’t excite me like the first, either in or out of bed.
Predictably, as soon as the first woman found out I was seeing someone else, she wanted me more than ever.
One night, she texted to declare her undying love and asked me to move in with her.
What happened next changed my life forever. Drunk, I texted her back, saying I’d fallen in love with her completely and I wanted to live with her.
Except, of course, I didn’t reply to her; I sent the message to the second woman – my new girlfriend – instead.
Straight away, my girlfriend wrote back, saying she loved me too.
When I realised my mistake, I was panic-stricken. But I was cowardly, and didn’t have the heart to hurt her.
Instead, I went along with moving in together. I told myself it was for the best.
And it probably was. I haven’t been unhappy.
The problem is, although I love my wife, I’m not in love with her.
I don’t really find her that attractive and she bores me.
I can’t stop thinking about my ex.
What should I do?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Accidents happen.
But being married to someone for 10 years isn’t an accident, even if the process was triggered by an erroneous text.
Meeting anyone, anywhere, involves some element of luck.
Stop thinking of yourself as a passive victim of chance and take control of your choices.
You’ve lived a decade with your wife. If, after 10 years, you’re bored in your marriage – like thousands of other couples – you need to work on it with her, or leave.
Having an affair with an exciting but unreliable woman from your past is not the answer.
Talking to a counsellor could help you. See my support pack about this.