No One To Impress Here, Dude: This Man Is Purposefully Waiting To Text Back His Urologist In A Way That Will Make Him Seem Like A Cool/Busy Guy

Nothing is more pathetic than someone trying desperately to be cool and failing spectacularly, which is why this is guaranteed to be one of the most embarrassing stories you’ll to read all day: This man is purposefully waiting to text back his urologist in a way that will make him seem like a cool and/or busy guy.

Seriously, dude, do you think you’re impressing your doctor with this stunt? This is honestly pretty sad.

Earlier today, San Francisco resident Ethan Delacroix received a text message from his urologist, Dr. John Hernandez, following up on test results from an appointment earlier in the week during which the urologist had examined him for kidney stones. Even though Ethan is eager to find out the results, he has been holding off on texting Dr. Hernandez back for almost two hours in order to seem like he’s got a super eventful life that is preventing him from responding right away.

It’s unclear what your endgame is here, man. Your urologist is not going to think you’re awesome just because you’re blowing off his text.

“Dr. Hernandez is probably thinking, ‘Wow! Ethan hasn’t gotten back to me for hours. He must be at a nightclub or attending some kind of important meeting in Hollywood,” Ethan explained, apparently operating under the delusion that Dr. Hernandez cares one way or another what Ethan does in his free time. “If I text him back too soon, he’s going to think I’ve been waiting around all day for his urology results. I’ve got to leave him hanging a while so he thinks I don’t even care.”

Unfortunately for Ethan, he is completely unaware that Dr. Hernandez has gone home for the day and has a policy of never responding to work-related communications after he leaves the office. This means that if Ethan were to respond now, Dr. Hernandez would probably not even see the text, and on the off chance that he did, would likely not take the time to consider how it reflects on Ethan’s career or social life. All in all, it’s safe to say that Ethan’s gambit to appear like a popular socialite with a flourishing career has gone absolutely nowhere. Here’s hoping that Ethan gives up this cringeworthy charade soon and responds to his urologist so he can actually get the treatment he needs!