Harriette Cole: My friend’s fun activity has me in a cold sweat
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m in a tough spot with my best friend of 12 years.
She’ll turn 18 in two months, and she wants to celebrate by going mountain climbing. She’s made it clear that she really wants me to join — saying it’s the least I can do for our friendship.
The problem is, I have a severe fear of heights, and I can’t imagine climbing a mountain. She is aware of this.
I haven’t even asked where the location is yet because I’m so anxious about the idea.
I’m afraid that if I don’t go, it could end our friendship — which she has clearly implied — but the thought of facing my fear in such a way is overwhelming.
How can I get through to her how difficult this is for me?
— Afraid of Heights
DEAR AFRAID OF HEIGHTS: Your friend is being extremely insensitive by trying to force you to do something that causes you great fear.
Yes, it’s thoughtful that she wants to push you out of your comfort zone, but threatening to end your friendship if you don’t climb a mountain is going too far. It could be unsafe for you to do that without preparation and confidence.
Tell her you love her, but you cannot go. If this is a deal-breaker for her, maybe she isn’t really your friend.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently received an incredible job offer from one of the top companies to work for in the United States.
This opportunity is a huge milestone in my career; it’s something I’ve worked really hard for over the years. I was thrilled when I got the news and couldn’t wait to share it with the people closest to me.
However, when I told my best friend about the job offer, her reaction was not what I expected.
She has been struggling to find a job for quite some time, especially in this tough economy. I know how hard it’s been for her — she’s been applying everywhere, going to interviews and dealing with the stress and disappointment that come with job hunting.
I tried to be sensitive when I shared my news, but ever since that conversation, she’s completely withdrawn from me. She hasn’t spoken to me at all, and I can tell she’s been avoiding me.
It’s really hurtful; she’s someone I’ve always been able to rely on for support, and I thought she’d at least be happy for me, even if she’s going through a rough patch herself.
I understand that she might be feeling down or even envious, but I miss her, and I don’t want this to come between us. Do I leave her alone and let her reach out to me on her own or continue to try to keep in contact with her?
— Jealousy
DEAR JEALOUSY: Your friend is scared about her future and jealous of your success. You cannot solve this for her.
As hurtful as this moment is, you have to concentrate on the next phase of your life so that you are ready for your new job.
You can also be compassionate toward your friend. Since she does not want to talk right now, consider writing her a letter expressing your love and gratitude for her and her friendship. Remind her of how much you care about her and want the best for her. Tell her you are there for her when she is ready to reconnect.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.