I was too scarred to care if Ryan left me after Leo’s birth, none of my exes would’ve stuck around, says Louise Thompson
CELEBRITY relationships are fickle things.
Living out intimate moments in the public eye can put pressure on any couple and push them to breaking point.
But for Louise Thompson and Ryan Libbey, it’s been harder than most.
Rather than the usual day-to-day issues most couples face, they’ve had to deal with Louise, 34, almost dying while giving birth to their son Leo in 2021.
The Made In Chelsea star suffered a rupture to her uterus and spent five weeks in hospital with serious complications while Ryan, 34, was left caring for their newborn.
Once back home, she had another major haemorrhage and it took a medical team four hours to stop the bleeding, by which point she had lost 5l of blood, resulting in a further three-week stay in intensive care.
It’s no surprise she’s been battling post-traumatic stress disorder and postnatal anxiety, which left her a shell of her former bubbly self.
Louise also has autoimmune disease lupus, and in April she revealed she’d had a stoma bag fitted after years of living with ulcerative colitis.
It’s enough to push any couple to the brink.
But, in their first joint interview, Louise and Ryan say the ordeal has actually made them stronger.
“I think now we feel like we like each other,” Louise says, looking at Ryan. “I don’t think we always did. And now, I genuinely think that nothing will really throw us.”
Ryan, 34, nods: “There was a tough patch. But we got through it.”
While Louise has been honest throughout, documenting her journey in her bestselling book Lucky, Ryan is speaking for the first time about how it feels to watch the love of your life on the brink of death.
Louise says: “Ryan’s not historically been someone who’s been very good at opening up about his feelings.
“He’s got a lot better and actually he’s seen value out of being a lot more honest.”
Ryan agrees, admitting how difficult it is to see someone you love in pain. “I’m such a fixer… and I couldn’t fix any of it.”
Although relationships are supposed to be “for better and for worse”, there must have been moments when Louise was scared it would be too much for Ryan and he would leave?
“If you want the honest answer, I didn’t really care,” says Louise. “Now I’m really glad he didn’t. I just didn’t have the capacity to think about it.
“I was in survival mode. It was just one thing after the next.
“I kept thinking: ‘If I can get over this, then I can think about the repair work [for our relationship].’”
“There were definitely days when I was like: ‘This is maybe too much for me,’” Ryan admits. “It was the adjustment to becoming a parent.
“The version we had was horrific. I had to snap into being a solo partner. I had to look after Louise as best I could, too.
There were times I was like: ‘I don’t know if I can do this.’ Genuinely.
Ryan Libbey
“I wasn’t entirely alone, but when it’s 3am and the baby is screaming and Louise is so unwell, you feel quite alone. And that went on for a really long time.
“All the advice for a newborn is to have a routine, but our home environment at the time was pretty horrible.
“He’d be in my arms while his mum was in bed having a haemorrhage.
“And then, you’ve got ambulances whizzing to the house and there’s blood everywhere. And it’s like: ‘Oh my god, it couldn’t get much worse.’
“I pushed myself to a really bad place during Leo’s first year. And it was really difficult.
“There were times I was like: ‘I don’t know if I can do this.’ Genuinely.
“But then I also very quickly rationalised that I wasn’t going to give up on him.
“I’m definitely not going to give up on Louise, ever – but especially when she was at her worst.
“We managed to get through the first year and there were some real turning points with Leo’s development and her health. And I was like: ‘OK, we can do this.’”
‘A stoma bag is a drop in the ocean compared to what I’ve been through’
There are people who have not been so lucky.
Louise and Ryan have both received hundreds of messages from couples whose relationships did not survive a tough start to parenting.
Louise nods. “I have a lot of people tell me their partner left. That’s why it’s so important going into marriage or childbirth not to take these decisions lightly.”
The reality star, who previously dated her Made In Chelsea co-stars Spencer Matthews, Alik Alfus and Jamie Laing, adds: “Everyone’s circumstances are different so I’m not judging, but if you’re choosing someone, imagine the worst-case scenario and think: ‘Will they stay with me through that?’ That’s the person you need to end up with.
“It’s hard, as when you’re young, you don’t think of these things.
“I’ve been in a lot of failed relationships. None of those would have survived. I’m really glad I waited for Ryan.”
Louise seems to take everything in her stride now.
Having her stoma bag – which she’s affectionately nicknamed Winnie – is a massive life adjustment for most people, but she just shrugs it off.
“I’m very lucky, as I’ve been through so much,” she explains. “The mental health stuff was so intolerable that this feels like a drop in the ocean now.
“I get messages from people who are heartbroken that they’ve woken up with a stoma.
“My family were mortified. Everyone was so upset.
“It was a shock to the system to understand how to change it and touch your organs.
“It is quite full on if you’re a bit squeamish. But it’s a small price to pay, because I’m getting better.”
‘Louise has adjusted to this whole thing so well, I wouldn’t have been able to cope’
While it may make people feel insecure about looking attractive naked, Louise wasn’t concerned.
“I don’t care,” she says adamantly. “Ryan’s seen me in the hospital with tubes coming out of every hole in my body.
“I don’t think there could be anything worse than that.
“He’s seen me in a really bad place.”
And Ryan has been nothing but supportive.
“I tried to normalise it as quickly as I could because I didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable,” he explains. “She has adjusted to this whole thing so well.
“I don’t know if it’s insensitive to say, but I wouldn’t be able to cope as well.
“I’d have been saying: ‘When can we have this reversed and go back to normal?’ It’s a life-changing thing and she’s rolled with it so smoothly.”
Would Louise consider having a stoma reversal?
A stoma reversal is a surgical procedure that reattaches the bowel after a colostomy or ileostomy, also known as an ostomy.
“I’ve had my whole large intestine removed but I’ve still got my small intestine, so it can be reversed,” Louise explained.
“But my body clearly is a nightmare with surgery.
“I get sepsis every time, so I’m not sure I want to do that.
“But I am going to do whatever I need to stay as healthy as possible.”
While Louise talks, she picks at her nail varnish, piling up the fluorescent yellow remnants in front of her. And it’s clear to see she is not the only one deeply impacted by what’s happened.
Ryan’s face is pained as she catalogues the issues she has faced.
Louise says: “It’s been hard for Ryan because he had no medical experience and suddenly he was the person expected to do everything else.
“He was basically a carer for me, especially after the birth.
“He was driving me around and booking all my appointments and explaining to everyone what happened.
“It doesn’t come naturally to him to take on that role, especially when he was struggling himself and I didn’t even realise because I couldn’t see anything beyond surviving.”
But while Louise has embraced therapy, seeing a psychotherapist as well as a life coach, who she has spoken to for years,
Ryan is less convinced by its benefits. “I’ve had a few sessions,” he says. “But I didn’t stick to it that consistently.
“Instead I have these conversations with friends, which I never used to do.
“I don’t want to say they were superficial before, but now my friendships are so deeply rooted.
“I’ve gone into them with a whole new approach. Now they will also share what they’re going through.
“I get a lot from just sharing with friends and going out for bike rides and runs. It’s a different style to Louise.”
The pair bicker back and forth about going to therapy, but it’s jovial.
Louise would like him to try again and he would like her to go on more bike rides with him.
Ryan adds: “I don’t think I’d want to sit in a room and go over the same stuff. Although we’re about to, because we’re doing a podcast.”
‘Our podcast is a way to force Ryan to have conversations with me!’
The pair are following in the footsteps of MIC pals Spencer and Jamie, who both have podcasts with their partners, and are launching theirs called He Said, She Said, where they can share points of view from a male and female perspective.
“We are very excited about it,” Louise says.
“It will have the person going through the trauma and being in a state of survival, then the person witnessing it from the outside and what it’s like for your partner to completely change overnight.
“We want to help people have those tricky conversations about trauma, sex – and even poo!
“It’s going to be warts and all as we navigate our own recovery.
“It is also a way selfishly for me to force Ryan to have conversations with me,” she laughs.
She says she feels ready now to be honest about what they went through.
“We have enough distance now to be able to look back and not take it personally.
“So if I’m talking about something that Ryan did back then, or my shortcomings as a parent in those first six months, I now feel strong enough to handle the criticism.
“People will listen and realise we didn’t really have a relationship for a year and a half after my son was born.
“We lived quite separate lives and we’ve been building that back.
“We aren’t going to be on the podcast all high and mighty saying: ‘Look at us, we’ve got it all figured out.’
“We’ve been at a place where we shouldn’t have stayed together.
We’ve been at rock bottom.
Louise Thompson
The pair are hoping they are through their hard times and can now focus on their future – and maybe even set a date for their wedding.
“We are engaged, but Louise lost her ring,” Ryan says, rolling his eyes.
“She came out of hospital saying: ‘I want to get married.’ But it’s fizzled already.”
Louise laughs: “It was a really big thing for me.
“We haven’t set a date, but Ryan said to me he wouldn’t want to die without getting married.
“So we need to and I’m really into the idea. It is a priority.
“But it’s the anxiety of so much attention on this one perfect day.
“It’s like a lot of build-up. I thought maybe something small, or we could elope to Vegas,” she laughs.
“With my ring, I’d lost a lot of weight. I didn’t have any jewellery on in hospital, then I was at home and I put it on to try and feel a bit better.
“It’s not insured, so [losing it] is just another bad thing to happen, but it doesn’t really matter. It’s just a thing.
“Maybe we will make a new ring together with a wee stone for Leo.
“Something new. After all, this is like I’m starting my life again.”
Listen to Louise and Ryan’s podcast He Said, She Said on all podcast platforms later this month.