3 Psychology-Backed Steps To Take When Asking Your Kids To Clean

You’ve bought the shelf organisers and the toy block boxes. You own the fun animal-shaped pencil pots and kid-level bookshelves. 

The only divide between you and a tidy playroom or child’s bedroom is the simplest, but most impenetrable one: your kid’s will. 

If it was just a question of mess, perhaps the chaos children leave in their wake would be a little more palatable.

But those agonising little blocks and cartoon-slip-causing tiny cars add injury to insult, I’ve still got a scar on my thigh from a misplaced model van.

Thankfully, psychologist Dr Jacqueline Sperling sharted a three-step method of asking your kids to clean their room on Harvard’s site that might just save your soles and sanity. 

What are they?

The first step is to avoid asking and to make specific commands instead.

That sounds easy, but it can be hard to remember that ― just as asking “how was school?” may not yield the best results ― children understand specific commands far better than broad ones.

“Please put your colouring pencils back into their case” is a good example. 

The second step is to wait after your initial request for the request to sink in, as younger children in particular take longer to process information than adults. 

“Count to five in your head” before expecting a response, Dr. Sperling advises.

If they don’t get going on the task after that, explain the consequence of ignoring your request in a neutral tone. 

You might say: “If you don’t put your colouring pencils back in the case, you won’t be allowed to do any more colouring today.”

Count to five again. If they’re still not on board, calmly follow through on the consequence you said would happen. 

Put the pencils (or blocks etc) out of reach and say: “You didn’t put the pencils back in the case. Now they’re going away for the rest of the day. You can use them again tomorrow.”

When they do clean up, either by request or of their own volition, use specific, enthusiastic praise to make them feel good about their actions, like saying, “Amazing job putting your pencils away!”

The process works for other requests, too.

Any other advice?

Yep! Psychologist and author Dr Tamar Chansky told NBC’s Today that treating cleaning as a chore or punishment is a surefire path to a messy home. 

“If you are negative and talk about what kids ‘have to do’ in a grumpy manner, kids will be grumpy right back,” he said. 

An element of choice can help too, Dr Chanksy shared. 

“You can let your child choose their preferred chore within the parameters you set: you can do blocks or clothes — which would you like?” he advises, saying this can give them a sense of “ownership”.

Lastly, Dr. Chansky and Dr Sperling agree that vagueness is the enemy. 

“Counteract that ‘everything is a mess and everything needs to be cleaned up’ with realistic expectations: identify a few small tasks (or, when it comes to kids — even just one task) and get them done,” the psychologist said. 

“Then you and your kids will have a sense of accomplishment rather than dread when it comes to cleaning.”