I had my penis amputated & will never have sex again – losing your tallywacker is every man’s worst nightmare
BREAKING down in tears, Craig Mycock, 54, sits alone in the bath – his partner of 33 years Colette Daniels on the other side of the door.
He doesn’t want her to come in, despite the couple having seen each other naked thousands of times.
It’s because in 2020, he was diagnosed with incredibly rare penile cancer, had a penis amputatation, and now has nothing there.
He’s too shy for anyone but medics to see him naked – and that includes Colette, 55, who has vowed to stand by him despite facing a sexless future.
The extent of his penis removal is significant and the likelihood of a reconstruction at this point remote.
It means that the once intimate pair, who live in Stockport, Greater Manchester, physically cannot have sex.
Still, Craig and Colette, who have no children and never wanted to marry, say they have “never been stronger” thanks to the ordeal they’ve been through together.
What is penile cancer?
Sinead Collins, male cancer information nurse specialist at male cancer charity ORCHID, said: “Penile cancer affects around 750 men a year in the UK.
“Risk factors include the HPV virus, a tight foreskin and smoking.
“Treatment is often surgery
“Noticing and reporting changes in the look and feel of your penis, particularly the tip is very important.
“If you notice changes, do not delay, go to see your GP who can refer you to a urologist for a diagnosis and to start treatment if necessary.
“Early diagnosis can reduce the impact of treatment“
For advice and support, contact orchid-cancer.org.uk.”
And surprisingly, they don’t mind the prospect of a sexless future, just glad Craig’s alive despite suffering “every man’s worst nightmare”.
He’s now spoken out as part of Life Stories, Fabulous’ new YouTube series which documents the lives of ordinary people.
“It is an acceptance that sex is not going to happen,” says Craig, a medically-retired bus inspector. “We can still cuddle. I asked for a cuddle the first time I was able to after surgery and that’s just as nice. It was lovely.”
Colette, a medically-retired comfort specialist, agrees: “That embrace when he came back. It was so warm. It was amazing. It was better than anything.”
Still – despite the pair being happy to remain celibate – Craig is still self-conscious about his body and refuses to get undressed in front of Colette. He even hates seeing himself naked. “Getting undressed in front of the Mrs you’ve been with for 30 years – it was just normal for us,” Colette says. “Now it’s very abnormal.
“I’ve still not seen the area since the operation – every medic has seen it but me. He’s got enough pressure on him.”
Craig agrees, while his relationship with Colette is “stronger than ever,” he remains shy about being naked.
“Our relationship has grown stronger,” he says. “The sex life has gone of course. I can’t take my clothes off in front of her but she understands that. I go to the bathroom and have a bath on my own. I feel disgusted.
“It’s every man’s nightmare to have their tallywacker cut off.”
Craig was diagnosed with penile cancer, which affects around 750 men a year in the UK, in April 2020. “I was devastated,” says Craig. “I lost my identity, my masculinity, I went into a deep depression.”
I lost my identity, my masculinity, I went into a deep depression.
Craig Mycock
He was diagnosed accidentally after a nurse at Stepping Hill Hospital in Stockport spotted a “blood blister” at the head of his penis after he was undergoing tests for an unrelated urology condition, which turned out to be nothing.
“She saw it and was concerned,” he says. “It was like a mark. I had ignored it for months on end.”
Referred to Manchester’s Christies Hospital, he underwent a biopsy where they removed a small section of flesh which was sent away for analysis.
But three weeks later, alone because of lockdown, he received the news he’d been dreading – the ‘blood blister’ was penile cancer. Symptoms include strange discharge, bleeding and blemishes. Around 75% of men will survive their cancer for five years or more after they are diagnosed, according to Cancer Research UK.
I’ve still not seen the area since the operation – every medic has seen it but me. He’s got enough pressure on him.
Colette Daniels
“I was devastated,” he says. “It was so hard to deal with. There was nobody to hold my hand.”
Colette says: “I was at home and he rang me in a state from the car. He told me over the phone he had cancer and he was going to have part of his penis taken away but it was okay because it was going to be rebuilt. I was trying to stay strong for Craig.
“It was awful – he was a changed man from that day.”
Further tests followed and just weeks later there was worse news – the cancer had spread up his penis and he needed a full amputation.
Colette adds: It was horrendous. I might as well have had cancer myself. I blamed myself. I wondered why I hadn’t noticed this ‘freckle’ as I called it and told him to go to hospital.
To this day I can remember the operating theatre – I can smell it. A few hours later I woke up with a pipe hanging out where my penis used to be.
Craig Mycock
“In the end I ended up with PTSD and a brain bleed with the stress.”
In July 2020 – just weeks after the ‘freckle’ was spotted – Craig went to Christies for a glansectomy, an operation where they removed the penis but not the testicles.
“To this day I can remember the operating theatre – I can smell it,” he says. “A few hours later I woke up with a pipe hanging out where my penis used to be.”
Due to lockdown, he was in-and-out within 48 hours. “Recovery was terrible,” he says. “Five days later I was in the bath and I was in so much pain Colette had to call 999 and I was referred to a local hospital where it turned out I had a raging UTI.”
Afterwards he slipped into a deep state of depression, even attempting suicide at one point.
If you are standing over a urinal and get your tallywacker out and it’s not there, it’s a tube, men will ask questions – the tube being bright purple doesn’t help.
Craig Mycock
“I wasn’t feeling myself,” he says. “It felt strange, like a dream or nightmare.
“You’re feeling dead, you’re feeling confused. What’s going to go on for the rest of your life?
“There’s so many adjustments from going to the toilet to not being able to have sex and being in pain. It was a hard, hard time.
“They gave me a tube so you can stand over a urinal and urinate but it was bright purple. If you are standing over a urinal and get your tallywacker out and it’s not there, it’s a tube, men will ask questions – it being bright purple doesn’t help. There wasn’t a cat in hell’s chance I was going to use it.”
Penile cancer: the stats
Penis cancer is a rare type of the disease that most commonly affects men over the age of 50.
Symptoms of penile cancer often start with a sore on the penis that does not heal and a strong-smelling discharge.
Some people get bleeding and colour changes of the penis, too.
When detected early, the cancer is more easily treatable and there is a high chance of recovery.
But if left untreated, it may become necessary to amputate part or all of the penis, as wells as nearby genital organs such as the testicles.
A total penectomy, as the procedure is called, is only done if the cancer cells have penetrated deeply into the penis or if the cancer is at the base of the penis.
According to Cancer Research UK, about 760 cases of the cancer are diagnosed in the UK every year.
Researchers from the Sun Yat-Sen University in China looked into penile cancer cases and deaths across the globe, analysing data collected between 1973 and 2012 from 44 populations across 43 different countries.
“Estimates suggest that 13,211 men with penile cancer died in 2020 globally,” researchers wrote in the study published to JMIR Publications.
Some 36,068 new cases were also recorded across the globe that same year, they added.
The largest number of deaths from penile cancer occurred in India (4760), China (1565), and Brazil (539) in 2020.
The research team observed an increase in penile cancer incidence in 15 countries.
This “significantly increasing trend” in penile cancer cases was observed among “most European countries” – such Lithuania, Norway, Estonia, Finland, Sweden, Cyprus, the Netherlands, Italy, Croatia, Slovakia, Russia, the Czech Republic – during the study period, “especially in Northern Europe”.
The UK was also among countries seeing an increase in cases, with researchers writing: “There was a 21 per cent increase, from 1.1 to 1.3 per 100,000, in penile cancer incidence in England between 1979 and 2009.”
Explaining what his area looked like now, he says: “I’ve just got testicles and nothing else. The most common question I get asked is how do I wee, and the answer is ‘like a woman, basically’.”
The couple also underwent sex therapy over the phone. “But it was too soon,” Colette says. “It was making him think of my feelings when he’d just had major surgery. It wasn’t appropriate. We stopped after one session.”
But – three years on – the couple are speaking out for the first time to raise awareness of penile cancer. “I’m not embarrassed – it’s part of my story,” says Craig. “Life can go on and get better. Penile cancer is rare but certainly out there. One woman reached out to me because she was sitting next to her father who was in a hospital waiting room waiting to go for an amputation. I chatted to her and it helped both of us.”
I’ve just got testicles and nothing else. The most common question I get asked is how do I wee, and the answer is ‘like a woman, basically’.
Craig Mycock
Colette says: “He’s gone back to the man he used to be – it’s brilliant to see. Our future is bright, loving and caring. But it’s different. We’re climbing a big hill together.”
Now Craig returns for checkups every five months. But the couple are adamant they can do anything together. “I’ll always be his rock, that’s what you do – you take the good and the bad,” says Colette.
And Craig says: “If you’re not too sure go knocking on your doctors’ door. You shouldn’t be embarrassed – it’s one of those things.”
You're Not Alone
EVERY 90 minutes in the UK a life is lost to suicide
It doesn’t discriminate, touching the lives of people in every corner of society – from the homeless and unemployed to builders and doctors, reality stars and footballers.
It’s the biggest killer of people under the age of 35, more deadly than cancer and car crashes.
And men are three times more likely to take their own life than women.
Yet it’s rarely spoken of, a taboo that threatens to continue its deadly rampage unless we all stop and take notice, now.
That is why The Sun launched the You’re Not Alone campaign.
The aim is that by sharing practical advice, raising awareness and breaking down the barriers people face when talking about their mental health, we can all do our bit to help save lives.
Let’s all vow to ask for help when we need it, and listen out for others… You’re Not Alone.
If you, or anyone you know, needs help dealing with mental health problems, the following organisations provide support:
- CALM, www.thecalmzone.net, 0800 585 858
- Heads Together,www.headstogether.org.uk
- HUMEN www.wearehumen.org
- Mind, www.mind.org.uk, 0300 123 3393
- Papyrus, www.papyrus-uk.org, 0800 068 41 41
- Samaritans,www.samaritans.org, 116 123