How playing catch helps a grieving father heal
COLONIE, N.Y. (NEWS10) – For Don Kirk, playing catch is about more than getting some fresh air and light exercise. It’s one of the ways he keeps the memory of his son alive.
Don’s son, Jonathan, was diagnosed with dilated cardiomyopathy when he was 18 years old.
“They described it as idiopathic, meaning there was no known cause as to why it was like that,” Don recalled.
Medicine kept Jonathan on the right track for about 14 years, but then his heart started failing.
“It was an early failure,” explained Dr. Lance Sullenberger, Jonathan’s cardiologist, “For unexplained reasons, his heart failed. It wasn't because of heart attacks.”
A battery-powered device in Jonathan’s left ventricle let him live a somewhat normal life, and a heart transplant in 2015 offered even more hope.
“For about a year–year and a couple of months–he went back to work, he and I golfed. We did all kinds of things,” Don said. “And then, one day, he collapsed.”
Jonathan passed away at 35 years old.
“We were just devastated. But you know, we realized we had to keep moving, and keep moving on,” Don said. "And we did.”
Jonathan was a Milwaukee Brewers fan and visited about 15 different ballparks with his friend and both of their dads. It was Jonathan’s love of baseball that inspired Don to turn a new page on healing, with the help of an author more than 1,000 miles away.
“I played catch every day of 2018, and then when that year completed, I fulfilled the promise I made to a catch partner that if I completed the year, I would try to write a book,” explained Missouri-based author Ethan Bryan. “I did, and it was picked up and published."
It was Ethan Bryan’s book, "A Year of Playing Catch," that gave Don the idea to honor Jonathan’s memory in the same way.
One day at a time, Don spent August of 2022 to August of 2023 tossing the baseball with family and friends, no matter the weather. He even connected with strangers and bonded over shared experiences of loss.
Don and Jonathan would often go play catch together at the Crossings Park of Colonie. The Kirk family has made sure Jonathan’s mark remains there permanently on a bench with his name inscribed. It’s one of the places Don often goes to throw the ball and talk about his son.
With each snap of the glove, over a year of catch, inspired by a book, Don–who had previously been a bit closed off, emotionally–found himself talking about his son and his feelings with ease.
“It’s really shown me another side of life. People have said to me, ‘You're helping me,’” Don said. “And I'm like, ‘No, you're not. You're helping me.’ The benefits have just been outstanding.”
“When he was doing his ‘Jonathan Catch’ and he would send me pictures and stories and emails of what he was doing, all I could do is think, I am so proud,” said Ethan. “And in the back of my mind I was thinking, 'I have got to get up there somehow to meet him for catch.'”
And so, they did. Don and Ethan met up in baseball’s birthplace: Cooperstown. Ethan was speaking at the National Baseball Hall of Fame about his book.
“It is a physical activity that makes us put our phones down, and connect face-to-face with someone else,” said Ethan.
One day of catch had an especially deep meaning for Don. It was with Dr. Sullenberger, the cardiologist who regularly saw and treated Jonathan over the years.
“He comes out of the building,” Don said, holding back tears, “First thing he says to me, ‘I've got my glove.’”
“I will tell you, it was bittersweet,” recalled Dr. Sullenberger. “Bittersweet is the best word I can think of for it.”
It’s clear that what motivates Don to move through the world every day is his son’s memory.
“My daughter had a baby a year ago, and she named him Jonathan,” Don said.