My husband is a good man but I’m secretly planning our breakup – I’m making a 2 year ‘exit plan’ so I get the house
Sitting alone, Sandy found her thoughts racing uncontrollably.
As a mother and wife, she was now facing the most challenging plan she had ever devised.
After thirteen years of what had once been a strong marriage and with two children to consider, Sandy had come to the heart-wrenching realisation that she no longer wished to be with her husband.
Not immediately, but in two years’ time.
For the mum, it’s a decision not to be made in haste, but one born out of deep reflection and the realisation that their paths had diverged beyond reconciliation.
The wife, who decided to remain anonymous, took to online forum Mumsnet to ask others for their advice on how she can come up with a two-year ‘exit plan.’
She explained that despite her husband being a good man, she wants to secretly plan a breakup and boot him out of the house.
Sandy explained that it was due wanting to live an independent life and prefers any time of her life without him.
She wrote: “I’m in no huge hurry but I know that I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with my darling husband.
“He is a good man and we have been a good parenting team for 13 years (we have two darling children) but I know when they start to need us less then I will want my own life.
“We have very little in common and completely different hobbies and interests.
“It’s on my mind all the time but otherwise my life is pretty good (good job, good friends, enjoy my activities when I can squeeze them in) and I know I’m generally lucky.
“I dream of having an independent life and love time on my own or time with just the kids (basically I prefer any time without him).
“I’m hoping I can hang in there until both kids are at secondary school.”
Sandy then went onto explain what her priorities are.
These were to “minimise hurt and disruption to kids, minimise hurt to darling husband” as “he doesn’t deserve it.”
Either way, this is a pretty cold hard way of life you’re choosing
Mumsnet comment
She also revealed that she thinks her husband is “unsuspecting,” of her thoughts.
Sandy continues: “He basically had his version of a perfect life. I’d love to help him find a happy future without me.”
She also wants to ensure that she can find a way for her to afford and keep the house.
Sandy continues: “We both earn about the same. Can anyone give me good advice to help me with my exit plan?”
However, her post got mixed emotions with other mums rushing to the comments section to share their thoughts.
One wrote: “I think planning a separation in secret for two years is a pretty good way of ensuring anger, bitterness and hurt.
I really don’t want to hurt him, so I must love him, right?
Sandy
“Imagine if someone you loved was planning this on you.”
But Sandy defended herself by replying with: “Why hurt him unnecessarily?
“If I mess it up it could be more hurtful than if I do it thoughtfully.”
A second wrote: “This seems incredibly cruel. If you want to leave, do it.
“Don’t string him along for another two years when he thinks you have a happy marriage. Poor bloke.”
A third said: “If you are certain your marriage is over, you’re at best robbing your husband of two years where he could be moving on, or at worst, trying to find ways of financially advancing yourself at his expense.
Signs your relationship is heading for a divorce
- Persistent Communication Breakdowns
Constant misunderstandings, arguments, or a complete lack of meaningful conversation can signal deep-seated issues. - Emotional Distance
Feeling like roommates rather than partners, with a noticeable lack of intimacy or emotional connection. - Frequent Criticism and Contempt
Regularly criticising each other and showing contempt, such as sarcasm, eye-rolling, or mocking, can erode the relationship’s foundation. - Unresolved Conflicts
Recurrent arguments about the same issues without any resolution can indicate deeper incompatibilities. - Loss of Trust
Trust is crucial in any relationship. If it’s been broken and cannot be rebuilt, it may be a sign that the relationship is in trouble. - Different Life Goals
Significant differences in future aspirations, such as career goals, lifestyle choices, or family planning, can create insurmountable divides. - Avoidance
Preferring to spend time apart rather than together, whether through work, hobbies, or social activities, can indicate a desire to escape the relationship. - Lack of Support
Feeling unsupported, whether emotionally, financially, or practically, can lead to feelings of isolation and resentment. - Financial Disagreements
Constantly arguing about money, spending habits, or financial priorities can strain the relationship. - Infidelity
Whether physical or emotional, infidelity can be a major breach of trust and a sign of deeper issues in the relationship. - Changes in Affection
A noticeable decrease in affection, physical touch, or romantic gestures can indicate a loss of connection.
“Either way, this is a pretty cold hard way of life you’re choosing.”
A fourth added: “My advice is to talk now to him about how you aren’t feeling happy.
“Don’t say I’m leaving you but plant the seed that you don’t feel it’s happily ever after.
“Then don’t wait too long, do you have a spare room (we slept in separate rooms for a few months)?
“I also think you need to de-prioritise keeping the house, it’s simpler to assume you are going to have to sell, it’s not fair asking him to wait for his equity, he needs to be able to get a clean break, also assume it’s going to be 50/50 with no ongoing child maintenance.
“Do you still feel the same way? Do you earn decent money?”
But Sandy replied: “Wow, I (naively) didn’t expect such an immediate backlash.
“My main concerns are to try to avoid hurt all round.
“But I see where everyone is coming from. I feel sick at the thought of him reading this.
“I really don’t want to hurt him, so I must love him, right?”
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