Harriette Cole: They insist my little brother is just in a phase
DEAR HARRIETTE: My younger brother, who is only 12, recently came out as gay, and while I fully support him, my parents are struggling to accept it.
They keep insisting it’s just a phase, and it’s heartbreaking to watch. I’ve tried having conversations with them about being more open-minded, but they seem resistant to the idea.
I feel caught between wanting to stand by my brother and trying to help my parents understand, and it’s becoming really stressful. How can I help bridge this gap without alienating anyone in the family?
— Family Divide
DEAR FAMILY DIVIDE: Parents have their notions of who their children are and what they will become, but that’s not always the reality of what happens.
In this case, your parents are struggling to accept that their son is different from their vision of him. It will likely take time for them to become open and welcoming of him, but they must in order for the family to remain healthy and for your brother to grow up with the support he needs.
Encourage your parents to get help. It would benefit them greatly to talk to a therapist about how to support their son and create a safe space for him to talk to them about his life. At his age, he is just discovering who he is and how he wants to show up in the world. Their job is to support him.
Your job can be to support them. Offer to be a sounding board when they are frustrated or unsure of what to do next. Share resources with them to give them tools to care for your brother. Until they start to come around, reassure your brother that you have his back and are always there to listen, even if you won’t always have answers.
According to experts, some recommendations for supporting LGBTQ youth include: assuring your child that you love them no matter what, encouraging open dialogue, looking for signs of bullying, watching social media for signs of abuse or danger, and getting the support of others who can have their back, too. For more ideas, visit hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/tips-for-parents-of-lgbtq-youth.
DEAR HARRIETTE: Your advice to “Online Forum Tips” was spot on for the immediate question of dealing with online advice for a beginning gardener, but I’d like to make an additional suggestion.
Just about every state in the U.S. has a master gardener program run by the state agricultural extension office. These programs have content-intensive master gardening classes (many now completely online) that offer a wealth of information on a wide range of topics. Even better, once training is complete, enrollees may join their local master gardener association to earn full master gardener status by engaging in community volunteer activities.
Members also receive continuing education at regular local association meetings and state-sponsored workshops. Master gardeners are notoriously welcoming and helpful to new members; it’s a great way not only to learn more, but to enjoy fellowship with folks who share a passion for gardening.
— Master Gardener
DEAR MASTER GARDENER: You and several other readers chimed in with this valuable information. Thank you all so much for writing in. It is wonderful that our government runs these programs that support people who want to get involved in gardening. I hope more folks will take up this soothing, restorative hobby.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.