I’m sick of being a Cinderella mum – my clever hack to stop you getting ‘chore rage’ & get your lazy partner to help
PLACING the last items of a massive food shop in the fridge, I let out a sigh of contentment.
After cleaning the house from top to bottom for hours, the surfaces are gleaming and everything looks spick and span.
But, seconds later, I walk into the lounge and instantly feel the red mist descend.
Almost involuntarily, I scream at the top of my lungs.
Despite vacuuming earlier and leaving the carpet immaculate, it is now littered with biscuit crumbs.
My husband of eight years, Paul, is the culprit and I’m now experiencing a surge of full-flown “chore rage” — that feeling of boiling anger you get when household jobs are not shared equally.
And I know I’m not alone.
Most of my friends also suffer from chore rage and, according to a survey by home security company YaleHome, one in six of us would end our relationships due to disputes over household tasks.
After a particularly flaming row with Paul, who is 55 and works in insurance, I vented to the school-gate mums.
I explained that a fury fills me when I think about how many household jobs fall to me, despite the fact I also look after our kids, Zak, 18, and ten-year-old Lexi, while working as a writer and yoga teacher.
Every single one of them nodded in agreement.
It comes as no surprise to any of us that chore rage is felt largely by women, with 54 per cent of women believing they take care of ALL the housework.
As someone who makes the least mess, it is even more infuriating that I have to do all the tidying.
If my husband and I divorce, the root cause will most likely be the overflowing laundry basket, which Paul thinks somehow empties itself.
While we both work full-time, Paul knocks off at 5pm, whereas my day doesn’t end until bedtime.
After my paid jobs end, it is time to perform my role as household chore master. This unwanted role also begins hours before my husband has even had his first morning cuppa.
As he opens his eyes from a gentle slumber, I will have already organised Lexi for school, done a load of laundry and put the clean clothes away.
If Paul’s had a late-night snack the night before, the floor will be covered in crumbs, so I’ll whizz the vacuum around — for the first time of the day — muttering under my breath as I clean up his mess.
I then do the school run and deal with the endless child-related admin.
Without me noticing, my spare time has magically transformed into chore time.
Without me noticing, my spare time has magically transformed into chore time
Natasha
It is me who cleans the bathrooms, organises the food shop and cooks the kids’ dinner.
I even do all the thinking, which means remembering key birthdays and organising cards and presents. Even so-called fun stuff, such as day trips and holidays, falls under my remit.
Forget “pink” and “blue” jobs, in my house it feels like all chores, from watering the plants to restocking the loo rolls, are a “Natasha job”.
Trusty Cinderella
Before I fall into bed, I wipe down the kitchen and lay out Lexi’s clean school uniform for the next day.
I know for a fact that Paul does not realise how much I do around the house because I just get on with it.
But when it comes to “his” jobs of emptying the dishwasher, putting the bins out and getting the car washed, I never hear the end of it.
There have been times when I’ve absolutely lost it, usually over something like a pile of clean, folded laundry being ignored by him all day and left at the bottom of the stairs.
The thing is, Paul thinks he does a lot around the house compared to other blokes.
So I decided to make a chore sheet, like the one on the right, so he could see exactly how much more I do.
Each job was given a score — with a higher mark such as eight meaning the chore takes more effort than a lower score such as one.
We agreed on the scores together. Over the course of an average day, which involved doing the laundry and cooking the weekly meals, my chore score was 45.
Paul’s came in at just 26. He said: “Some of the things I do, such as gardening and the utility bills were not on the list. While Natasha probably does more than me, I definitely pull my weight.”
But while the stark numbers might mean things improve for a couple of days, I’ve no doubt I’ll soon be back to being trusty old Cinderella.
And that also means screaming into a cushion as I see my perfectly vacuumed floor covered in crumbs.
Yet again.
See who’s doing the work
RELATIONSHIP expert Kate Taylor believes chore rage can cause a breakdown in relationships, so she has a fool-proof way to redress the balance.
“It is unfair if the household makes a mess but only one person cleans it up,” she says.
“This needs to be nipped in the bud, as long-running disputes over chores can often lead to imbalances elsewhere in the relationship.”
Below, Kate has compiled a chore sheet to score any imbalance. Simply tick each chore you do and get your partner and/or kids to do the same.
Then tot up your scores. The more challenging and time-consuming the chore, the higher the score.
KATE SAYS: “Once you’ve added up your scores, it’s time to do some serious work as a couple.
“If the numbers are unevenly weighted, you need to state that you need help.
“Sit down with this list and work out how you can split things. Firstly, take it in turns to choose the tasks you prefer. When these preferred tasks run out, it’s time to negotiate.
“If you both despise taking the bins out, maybe when one does the rubbish, the other compensates by doing a week’s worth of kids’ bath times. Try this for a week and then renegotiate.”