Biden fitted with muzzle so he can’t bite any more babies

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Out of an abundance of caution, the White House confirmed Thursday that President Joe Biden had been fitted with a muzzle to prevent him from biting any more babies. This comes one day after a bizarre incident in which the president bit several babies at a White House Halloween event.

According to sources, Joe Biden told one child he was so adorable “I could just eat you up” and then proceeded to do so, horrifying dozens in attendance. The entire incident was caught on video.

Secret Service eventually intervened after parents complained.

Norma Higson, a mother in attendance, claims to have been mortified by the president’s behavior. “I wanted to show off his cute little Harry Potter costume and the president, out of nowhere, started biting his arm off!” she sobbed. “He needs his arm!”