Tales from the Coffeeshop: Informing Martians about the Cyprob
OUR DELUSIONS of grandeur hit red after the Prezniktwo’s meeting with President Joe Biden at the White House last Wednesday. Our constantly growing geostrategic/regional/diplomatic footprint, combined with our upgraded role was triumphantly confirmed, at least in the view of our Nik and his minions, after his meeting with the lame-duck president.
Our Prez could not hide his ecstatic bliss on being greeted by Biden, unable to wipe the grin off his face for as long as the cameras were filming. This was his finest hour, he had arrived as a world statesman, even though he looked more like a 10-year-old in a toy shop who had been told he could have anything he wanted by his kindly grandfather.
Nik was particularly pleased that Biden told him about the need to solve the Cyprob and that he linked this with the “Cyprus Republic’s role in the region, which would not just be maintained but strengthened much more by a settlement.” It is a role that could even win Kyproulla an Oscar for best supporting actor.
AFTER the meeting, the prez showed that, apart from Kyproulla, he also entertained personal delusions of grandeur. Speaking to White House accredited journalists, he referred to the war in the Middle East and told them about his efforts to secure a ceasefire. He also engaged in a little innocent name-dropping.
He said he was involved in the efforts to secure a ceasefire in the region. He recently had telephone conversations about the matter with the prime minister of Israel, the president of Libanon(sic), the King of Jordan and the president of Egypt.
“It is a difficult situation, but we are trying to coordinate our efforts so as to secure a ceasefire,” he said. Israel’s PM Netanyahu, has been ignoring US pressure to agree a ceasefire, so what is the likelihood he would take the least bit of notice of our Prez’s efforts over the phone, despite the important regional role our Kyproulla now has?
THERE were more turbo-charged delusions, with Nik unable to return to earth from the high of the meeting with Biden. In an interview published by Athens’ newspaper Ta Nea on Saturday, he spoke like a true political mover and shaker.
Asked to explain his assertion that the “important role of Cyprus must not be affected by a Cyprus settlement,” the prez told the paper that “the footprint of Cyprus is being reinforced because we have proved through actions and not words, the role we can perform in a region of particular geostrategic importance.”
He added that “this role must not only be maintained, but, clearly, be further strengthened.” Even Turkey could be given a minor role. “We do not exclude anyone, nor cooperation with Turkey after the solution of the Cyprus problem. Just as we have good relations with all neighbouring states, our expectation is to have perfect relations with Turkey. Something that can happen after a settlement.”
This must a huge incentive for Turkey to seek a resumption of talks.
DESPITE this presidential generosity, the government could not resist mentioning that it got one over the Turks with the “historic milestone” of a visit.
On Friday it invited hacks to the palace for an off the record briefing by a senior government official, who remained anonymous. The unnamed source said that the government, in its evaluation of the visit, was satisfied about three factors.
The timing of the announcement of the Prez’s visit by the White House. It was October 29, the anniversary of the establishment of the Turkish Republic. Such things do not happen “inadvertently or by coincidence at the level of the President of the US and the White House,” said the unnamed diplomatic source, implying that Biden wanted to offend the Turks.
The second factor was the White House’s position in support of the federal settlement and its pooh-poohing of the sovereign equality, two-states demanded by the Turks.
The third factor for our satisfaction was almost as funny as the first. Opposition parties both in Turkey and the north were angry about the meeting and critical of their respective governments. Do we need more emphatic proof that the visit to the White House was a mega success?
OUR UPGRADED role will not be confined to our region. It will extend to space, now we have signed the Artemis Accords and will cooperate with Nasa for the return of humanity to the moon and in the effort to send the first humans to Mars.
“By joining 45 other country signatories in this effort, Cyprus will help play a role in implementing the accords and exploration that is open, responsible, transparent and peaceful for the benefit of all,” said the Nasa associate administrator Jim Free.
We really have become multi-role actors. When we get to Mars, we could inform Martians about the Cyprob as well.
ODYSSEAS was back in the news on Saturday, complaining because he had not been paid his pension and retirement bonus to which he was entitled to. He concluded that his “financial annihilation” had been put in motion through a process for denying him his pension and retirement bonus.
This was not exactly correct, but Odysseas is an expert at using publicity to his advantage. The accountant-general told him he would ask the attorney-general for an opinion on whether he was entitled to a pension and bonus. Attorney-general George Savvides said he could not give an opinion and would ask for one from a private lawyer.
How he could have interpreted this as his “financial annihilation” only Odysseas can say. And he did not stop here. He also directed his fire that the hapless prez, who probably had nothing to do with the affair, but is regarded as an enemy.
In a letter he wrote to the accountant-general, he said: “It is truly a shame for our country for these things to happen, with the main responsibility belonging to the head of state, to the president of the republic.”
SHAKEN by this negative publicity, the Prez contacted Odysseas’ mouthpiece Phil, to tell it that he was in favour of the payment of all benefits Odysseas was entitled to. His popularity had suffered enough from the sacking of Odysseas, without also being blamed for depriving the saintly one of his pension entitlements.
According to Phil, the prez was informed of this outrage, as he was boarding his private jet to return to Kyproulla from Greece, and expressed his displeasure, taking the position that Odysseas should be paid in full all the benefits he was entitled to.
Could Odyssseas’ attack on Nik be the first salvo of the 2028 presidential election campaign?
DISGUSTED by the frequent attacks on delivery men by thugs in Limassol. I do not know if the thugs are racists as well as thieves, but I was impressed that the police have arrested quite a few suspects in connection with the attacks.
I would like to make a suggestion to the delivery guys. They should call a 24-hour national strike, which will traumatise Cyprus society that has become so lazy, most people cannot be bothered to cross the road to buy a coffee and want it delivered. This will illustrate the absolute dependence of the indolent majority on the hapless delivery guys, and make society turn on the thugs that beat them up and rob them.
MULTICULTURALISM has arrived in a big way in our Kyproulla. In the Nicosia student parade to mark Oxi Day last Monday, there were girl marchers wearing hijabs. Even more surprising was that nobody complained about this challenge to our Greek Orthodox purity – not even the Archbishop.
Perhaps girls in hijabs have taken part in parades previously, but not being a great fan of parades, I may have not realised that this is may have now become common practice. What I found even more multi-cultural was that the Muslim girls were marching with students carrying a Greek flag featuring a print of an icon of the Virgin Mary on it.
Our multi-culturalism is of the Greek Orthodox type.
I HEAR that the elder daughter of Preznikone celebrated her 50th birthday over two nights and that no expense was spared in the entertainment of her guests, members of the ultra-wealthy appomeni-set of Limassol. Nicosians were also invited, but they were a minority.
Nothing was published in the lifestyle magazines at the time of writing this, which was quite bizarre considering the appomeni-set love to appear in these rags and flaunt their wealth to the envious plebs. Perhaps father Nik, who is being investigated for corruption, did not want to attract attention to the huge amounts of money spent on the two-day bash.
Apart from a dance troupe being flown in from Athens, the guests were entertained by top Greek singers. On the first night Sakis Rouvas sang and on the second night Lefteris Pantazis, also known as Lepan, was the star attraction.
I wonder if the guests had to sign a non-disclosure agreement, because Nik did not want any outsider to know about the party?