Kamala calls for peaceful transfer of power to Adolf Hitler

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stirring concession speech following last night’s election loss, Kamala Harris announced she would work to ensure a peaceful transition of power to the man she called Adolf Hitler for the last year.

After losing a lopsided contest to former President Donald Trump — who she spent years warning Americans was the gravest threat to democracy — Harris vowed to accept his victory and help the man she told voters was a ruthless, totalitarian dictator take control of the highest office in the land.

“It’s my responsibility to make sure this tyrannical despot assumes power,” Harris told the crowd of supporters after officially conceding the race. “Though he will end freedom itself in this country, imprison anyone who disagrees with him, systematically murder all women, and go door to door kicking everyone’s dogs, I promise to make sure there is a peaceful transition of power.”