I moved from the US to Rome for a slower pace of life, but after 7 years I've realized there are some Italian ways I'll never fully adjust to
Miranda Mullings
- I grew up in the US but moved to Italy in my 20s. I now split my time between the two.
- There are pros and cons to living in Italy. I don't love the slower pace of life.
- I'm also a homebody and haven't adjusted to Italians' overly extroverted lives.
I moved to Italy in my 20s after a summer study abroad in Rome during my senior year of college.
What I thought would be a few months of living "la dolce vita" in the historic city turned into much more after I met my now-husband and my internship turned into a full-time job.
Seven years later, I split my time between my first home, the United States, and my second, Italy.
Despite calling the US my real home, living overseas has changed my mindset, and I experience culture shock every time I transition between countries.
The most shocking cultural differences are the little things in daily life
A big part of the "la dolce vita" concept is that life moves slower. Who doesn't love the idea of unlimited coffee breaks, shorter working hours, and August spent beachside?
In reality, it's not so pleasant at times.
I'm lucky if I can finish a task in a day. Italy isn't as "online" as the US, so you're better off going to a place in person rather than trying to call or email.
For example, when I was trying to sign up for the national healthcare system, I went to the address listed on Google Maps, only to find an unmarked building with a locked door.
I waited for someone to come out so I could sneak in, and thankfully, I was able to find the registration office. However, contrary to Google Maps, it was only open from 10 a.m. to 12 p.m. three days a week, so I was out of luck and had to return another day.
Even after living in Italy for many years, it's still difficult for me to settle into this slower pace, especially in the weeks after returning from the US.
Daily life back in America is much more comfortable and requires much less energy. I'll take the DMV over an Italian post office any day.
What's socially acceptable in each country is difficult to adjust to
Despite being a city of more than 2.5 million people, Rome feels like a cluster of small villages. Locals tend to live, work, eat, and shop in their neighborhoods, and everyone knows everyone.
The close-knit community made it hard for me, as an outsider, to fit in at first. This was even more difficult because I wasn't used to Italian socialization, where asking personal questions and openly staring at others isn't seen as rude as it is in the US.
So, in the beginning, people would probe me, asking things like how my family accepted me living so far from home.
I remember calling my mom one day crying after walking through the neighborhood and feeling like all eyes were on me.
However, I've gotten more comfortable in Italy over the years, especially after I became fluent in Italian, which significantly boosted my self-confidence.
Italian culture has also changed my perspective on what's socially acceptable in the US. If Italian society is overbearing, American society can feel a bit isolating.
Back in the US, I sometimes find myself accidentally overstaying my welcome or oversharing. I've also come to find it odd how easy it is to break a social bond. It only takes one wrong move to be ghosted, even by a friend.
This starkly contrasts the "village" mentality in Italy, where most relationships are long-lasting. Friends can yell at each other in the street one second and then make up and go for gelato the next.
It's hard to get used to the different spaces we live in — in Italy and the US
One thing I have never adjusted to after all these years is how little time Italians spend in their homes.
The traditional Italian home, which is pretty tiny, isn't designed for people to spend a lot of time there. As a result, people spend most of their free time socializing outdoors.
In the mornings, everyone has coffee at the bar. At lunch, colleagues go out. After work, most have an aperitivo at their favorite watering hole.
Since food and wine are relatively inexpensive, dinner is also often eaten out. By the time that wraps up, it's time for bed.
By contrast, I grew up a homebody in the US and am still a homebody, which makes me the oddball out when I'm in Italy.
Seeing the way Italians live, though, has left me in awe of the typical American home, decorated to personal taste with private green space.
As I drive home from the airport in Missouri, seeing how much wide open green space there is never gets old.
Italy can be challenging, and I know I'll never stop being surprised by the cultural quirks, but I feel fortunate to have the best of both in my life.