I love my husband but I’m risking it all for a seedy affair with my best friend

DEAR DEIDRE: EVEN though I have an amazing marriage with a devoted and loving husband, I’m risking it all for a seedy affair with my male best friend.

I know that it’s wrong, but I can’t seem to help myself. Whenever anything is going well in my life, I always find a way to self-sabotage it.

I’m 36, my husband is 40, and we’ve been together for eight years. We have two daughters together. One is three, and the other is five.

I have a great life with my husband, but I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t grown bored over the years.

Every day blends into the next, and it’s fair to say the romance has died.

Deep down, I’d always had a bit of a crush on my male best friend. We’d known each other since university, but one of us had always been in a relationship, so things between us stayed platonic.

That was until one night a few months ago, when we met up for dinner. We both started confiding in each other over a bottle of vino.

He’d recently found out that his girlfriend was pregnant, and he was struggling to come to terms with the reality of being a father.

One thing led to another, and in a moment of weakness, we drunkenly overstepped a boundary.

Since then, we’ve not been able to stay away from each other. As soon as we allowed ourselves to admit to our feelings, the floodgates opened.

Now we’re madly in love and want to be together.
The last thing I want is to implode my life, but he makes me feel so alive.

DEIDRE SAYS: While there’s no doubting that you share a connection, try to remember you’re in the heady, early days of romance.

While it’s natural to want to follow that exciting feeling, it’s likely that the reality of long term life with your lover wouldn’t measure up to the fantasy. 

You recognise your marriage is good, so don’t take that for granted.

Instead of risking everything, if it’s excitement you need, talk to your husband about how to inject a little spontaneity back into your relationship.

What did you enjoy together before you had children, can you re-introduce those elements? 

People who self-sabotage often don’t feel worthy of genuine love, if you think this may be at the root of your issue, then all the more reason to consider couples counselling.

You can find support through Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org, 020 7380 1975).