Taste-Off: The best non-dairy eggnogs — and the terrible ones

Can’t do dairy? Eggs all wrong? No need to forsake the land of nog! It turns out that there’s plenty of nog for all. There’s nog made from oats, from soy, from nuts and coconut too.

While every alternative nog promises the luscious combination of holiday spices and creaminess, it seemed high time to find out which egg- and dairy free options can deliver the delight of the best versions of traditional eggnog.

Making eggnog without the key ingredients is clearly tricky, as evidenced by many of the nogs on the shelf. The bad ones range from watery to wonky. But there are some luscious, lower-calorie versions of the much-loved (albeit polarizing) holiday drink.

Great alternative nogs deliver a creamy note along with a splash of familiar eggnog flavors, such as nutmeg, cinnamon, vanilla or rum. The best are so flavorful and rich that it’s hard to believe they don’t include cream and eggs.

Sadly, many nogs are flawed. They are too thick or too thin, or have so little flavor that they taste more like a glass of sweet alternative milk.The worst incorporate odd ingredients intended to mimic the mouthfeel and richness of the traditional drink — and yield truly nasty results.

Here’s the scoop on the silky, creamy non-dairy nogs to serve up this holiday season, and the nasty nogs to avoid. Nutrition info refers to 8 ounces.

So Delicious Holiday Nog Coconut Milk

Rich, thick and deliciously spicy, this one should be at the top of every grocery list. It has all the richness of a dairy nog — and about half the calories. 90 calories, 2 g fat, 115 mg sodium, 15 g sugar, no protein. $3.50 for a quart at Raley’s. (4 stars)

Planet Oat Oat Nog

A warm hit of cinnamon in this silky yellow nog makes it every bit as delicious as traditional eggnog. 90 calories, 2.5 g fat, 80 mg sodium, 12 g sugar, no protein. $5.49 for 52 ounces at Safeway. (4 stars)

Silk Original Soy Nog

While this pours a bit more like milk than eggnog, it delivers plenty of nutmeg plus a hint of rum. 80 calories, 1.5 g fat, 70 mg sodium, 12 g sugar, 3 g protein. $3.99 for a quart at Safeway. (3½ stars)

Chobani Oatmilk Oat Nog

If you love cotton candy, this is the nog for you. It’s light and pleasant, with an ever-so-delicate touch of nutmeg. 100 calories, 4.5 g fat, 55 mg sodium, 9 g sugar, 1 g protein. $4.99 for 32 ounces at Whole Foods. (3 stars)

Almond Breeze Almondmilk Nog

This surprisingly creamy nog has nice balance, but it needs a serious spice boost. 70 calories, 1.5 g fat, 75 mg sodium, 11 g sugar, 1 g protein. $4.99 for a quart at Safeway. (3 stars)

Good & Gather Oatmilk Holiday Nog

Straight from the carton, this nog is too thick and lacks spice, but those are easy fixes. Pour it over ice — or add a dash of spirits — and dust it with nutmeg for a decent holiday libation. 70 calories, 2.5 g fat, 85 mg sodium, 11 g sugar, 1 g protein. $3.99  for a quart at Target. (2½ stars)

Three Trees Organic Nog

This blend of oat and almond milks claims to be flavored with vanilla, cinnamon and nutmeg, but there’s no trace of any of those flavors. It’s drinkable, but bears no resemblance to nog. 55 calories, 2.5 g fat, 40 mg sodium, 4 g sugar, 1.5 g protein. $7.99 for 28 ounces at Whole Foods. (1 star)

Malk Organic Almond Holiday Nog

Call it curious, or call it creative. Just don’t call this eggnog. This is a dead ringer for “cereal milk,” the milk left over at the bottom of a bowl of Cheerios. 60 calories, 3.5 g fat, 85 mg sodium, 4 g sugar, 1 g protein. $6.99 for 28 ounces at Whole Foods. (1 star)

Califia Farms Holiday Nog Almondmilk

Every detail about this concoction is wrong. It’s brown. The consistency is thinner than fat-free milk. Worst of all, it tastes like long-chewed bubblegum. This is yuck in a bottle. 50 calories, 1.5 g fat, 75 mg sodium, 8 g sugar, no protein. $5.99 for 48 ounces at Safeway. (No stars)

Reviews are based on product samples purchased by this newspaper or provided by manufacturers. Contact Jolene Thym at timespickyeater@gmail.com. Read more Taste-off columns at www.mercurynews.com/tag/taste-off.