My partner won’t listen when I tell him I don’t like it when he shoves a hand up my skirt
DEAR DEIDRE: EVERY time I hug my partner he takes it as an opportunity to grope my boobs or shove a hand up my skirt.
I’ve told him I don’t like it – sometimes, he squeezes my breasts so hard that it hurts – but he doesn’t listen.
He’s 54, I’m 49 and we’ve been together for five years.
He also wants me to talk dirty to him during sex, making me say things I find really disturbing.
The sex is very impersonal, and I often feel I’m only there for his pleasure.
As soon as it’s over, he ignores me.
I think the problem started when he was out of work for a few months and got into the habit of watching online porn and cam girls every day.
I kept asking him to stop but he said it was no worse than looking at social media.
He tells me that he’s stopped now, but I don’t know if that’s true.
Unless he‘s groping me, he ignores me. He blocks out everything I say like it’s white noise. I just get on with doing the housework.
I left an abusive marriage ten years ago and I don’t have the strength to end another relationship.
I love days when he goes to work because I feel less lonely when he’s not here.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Nobody is allowed to grope you without your permission.
Even though you’re in a relationship, non-consensual touching would still be classified as sexual assault.
You might be right that porn has changed how he thinks about sex, as it can create a warped idea of what’s normal.
Your first step is to talk to him one last time, and make sure you agree when it is – and isn’t – OK for him to touch you.
If he refuses to listen, or won’t acknowledge that he’s overstepped the mark and it shows your feelings don’t matter to him.
A lot of his behaviour is abusive, and if things don’t change, you would undoubtedly be happier without him.
Having walked away from one abusive man before, it really is understandable that you would need help to go through the upheaval.
Please do read my support pack on Abusive Partners. It gives you plenty more advice and resources.
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