‘I’m not fussed about finding The One’, Denise Van Outen on dating at 50 & THAT 23-year fallout with Johnny Vaughan
DENISE Van Outen on turning 50, making up with Johnny Vaughan, and why she’s happily single.
Turning 50 might seem like the time to start slowing down and taking it a bit easier – but not if you’re Denise Van Outen.
The blonde bombshell, who hit half a century in May, made the decision to grab life with both hands to celebrate her landmark birthday.
“I hadn’t really thought about turning 50 to be honest. Then it creeps up on you and you go: ‘This is a real milestone.’
“So I started the year thinking this is going to be my year of ‘yes’, and my priority was to just have fun.”
What did she say yes to?
“Everything!” she says, with her famous infectious cackle.
“I wanted to see different friends in different places [to celebrate her birthday], so if someone suggested doing something, I just said yes to it. I’ve been really lucky, as I’ve probably had the best summer in years – since the ‘90s. I’ve done things I’d never imagined, like a DJ residency in Ibiza. I’ve really celebrated and had a good time.
“I can go down a rabbit hole very easily, sink a bottle of wine and cry into a pillow listening to Céline Dion. I’ve had to teach myself to get out of [this state of mind]. I’m an all-or-nothing person, so I have to find myself something to get my teeth into, and that’s DJing. I love it!
“I probably wouldn’t go clubbing at 50 if it wasn’t for the fact I work in the industry. Gok Wan is 50, too, and the pair of us are like: ‘This is great. We’ve got an excuse to be here.’ I can enjoy the environment and music and not look like I’m too old to be in a club!
“I’ve just had an extended 50th birthday – the whole year. But now, I know I’ve got to stop. I’ve rinsed it. Other friends are turning 50 and saying to me: ‘It’s about us now!’”
Another thing Denise has decided to say yes to is dating again.
Despite being the object of many men’s desire, romance hasn’t come easy for her.
‘Friends said I should spend some time on my own’
She’s been single since splitting with backing-dancer-turned-property-developer Jimmy Barba, 53, in October 2023.
He was her first relationship after she dumped her partner of seven years, Eddie Boxshall, 50, who cheated on her, DMing dozens of women online while they were planning their wedding.
“I said I’d never do it,” she says, shaking her head.
“But I said yes to going on a dating and joined [exclusive celebrity app] Raya. I was so scared of dating, but I’ve gone on quite a few different dates with different people. I’ve seen so many celebrities, but you aren’t allowed to say who is on there. It’s really funny as they try to match you, and some people who pop up are my mates. It’s been really fun.”
And while she’s happy swiping right, Denise has also started saying yes to being OK by herself, too.
“Relationships are an investment, and I wanted to invest in my friends and my family instead. I thought: ‘For the first time in my life, I want a summer of not having any of it.’ I pushed pause on everything. Although now winter’s kicking in, I’ll start going on dates again.
“I’ve learned so much about myself and I can now enjoy the simple things in life. I’ve started to enjoy being in the house by myself for a night. That happens quite a lot now, but I’ve learned to enjoy that space. I never really liked it before.
“A lot of friends said to me that I should spend some time on my own. It’s not because I need someone to feel validated, but I do like having someone to bounce off and have fun with. I always liked my house to feel busy with people coming and going, but I’ve started to appreciate the peace. I didn’t before.
“I think it’s because I’ve worked in this industry since I was seven, and I’ve always been busy. I’ve always got another job lined up, or another work-related trip lined up. I’ve never really sat still, so I’ve taught myself to do it and to just be in the moment and enjoy it. And I think that’s made me a happier person.”
‘I worry people see me as a failure, because I’m not with anyone’
Although she is enjoying dating, Denise isn’t desperately trying to find The One any more.
“I’m not fussed either way now. I’m really good friends with Tamzin Outhwaite and we were saying: ‘Isn’t it nice to actually just be loving life and not feel pressured to have to be in a relationship or be with someone?’ I’ve learned to be on my own and be content.
“This industry can feel pressurised, and then when things go wrong, it’s so public. You worry that people see you as a failure. I wonder if people say: ‘Why can’t she hold down a relationship?’
“History keeps repeating itself, but I’m not chasing it now. I did think I was in something long-term, and it only got cut short because of what I discovered. That’s the sad part. And then it’s back to square one. But I’m trying to keep a really positive outlook on it and just have an open heart.
“I think that comes with being older and a maturity of being happy in my own company. I’ve been pushed into a situation where I have to, and I actually can do it. I’ve got no qualms now about going to someone’s wedding reception on my own, whereas before I would have been: ‘Oh, it’s all couples!’ and freaked out. But now I think: ‘I can do it and I can enjoy that.’ It’s a bit of an adjustment.
“I’ve also realised I’ve got a lot of friends in long-term relationships who are miserable anyway. They’re coming to me moaning and saying how envious they are of my life because I’m out and about doing things. It’s freedom.”
‘It’s actually sad that Johnny and I stopped speaking’
Denise is also adamant that if things get serious with any of her dates, she won’t be going public about it.
“There are a couple of people who I’ve met that I’ve liked, but I’ve been keeping it completely out of the public eye. I’d have to really know someone and feel really safe [before going public] – there’s too much pressure otherwise.
“I’ve discovered over the years that sometimes, if you take them to everything because you want them there, then they get a taste of it and then they start thinking they want to [be famous] themselves.
“I wouldn’t walk into my partner’s office and start doing their job. I’ve learned that my work and my relationships are definitely two separate things.”
No matter what’s happening in her private life, Denise’s main priority remains her daughter Betsy, 14, who she shares with her ex-husband, West End star Lee Mead.
“Your kids always need you,” she explains.
“But during those teen years they really need you. I do feel this is the time to give to her. I’ve said no to some very appealing jobs because I don’t want to leave my daughter.
“I’ve got a brilliant relationship with Lee. He’s an amazing dad, but I am really a single parent and I am constantly juggling everything. I feel like I can’t just go and leave for work and have someone take my phone off me [for a reality show], because I need to be able to speak to my kid. She’s an only child, so if I go away, she’s on her own. Of course, we have family who help out, but I feel this is a precious time. I know in a couple of years, she won’t be interested in hanging out with me.
“I want to make memories. I know it’s a cliché, but I want to enjoy my family. I’m lucky to have my parents [Ted and Kathleen] around. I want to invest in friendships, too. You’ve got to put time in – you get out what you put in. I’ve reconnected with old friends. It’s brought me a real sense of happiness.”
One of the friendships Denise is most happy about reviving is with her former co-presenter on The Big Breakfast, Johnny Vaughan.
The pair fell out 23 years ago, when it was revealed that Johnny had negotiated a separate pay deal from her.
The row led to her quitting the show, but they have now put the past behind them, and even appeared together on Celebrity Gogglebox back in the summer.
“It’s actually sad that it happened,” Denise admits.
“And I will take responsibility as much as he does. I think when you’re younger, you just crack on with your own life. You don’t really value your friendships until you get to midlife, then you start hearing of things happening to people. I’ve had a few friends diagnosed with cancer, for example. And you think: ‘This is our history.’
“You make new friends and it’s lovely, but the people you have real history with are really special. And I think we both really appreciate each other now, whereas before we were probably both a little bit stubborn. Like, who’s going to reach out first, kind of thing.
“It upset me for a long time that we weren’t really speaking. It made me feel sad, because I’m really sensitive. But now it’s even better, because our friendship has matured and there’s a respect there.
“We had such a great time on Gogglebox – we were doing the most stupid things, and most of it didn’t even make it to the final version. But we’re like: ‘When are we going to grow up?’ And I don’t think we ever will.”
Being young at heart is what Denise credits for keeping her as fresh-faced as when she joined The Big Breakfast in 1996.
“It’s weird,” she laughs. “I look at all of my mates and I think they all look really good for their age. I went to school with the All Saints girls and when we see each other, it feels like we’re all still at school. We’ve known each other since we were 11 and we still act like kids. I honestly think you’ve got to enjoy yourself and have a young approach to things. My mum is the same. I love having a laugh and being silly.”
‘I can’t keep saying yes to things – I’m exhausted!’
Although, as Denise admits, on some occasions she’s brought back down to reality about what age she actually is.
She giggles: “Sometimes I’ll be at a festival and I’ll get some young teenager coming over to me asking for a selfie. And then they say: ‘It’s because my grandad loves you!’”
As well as DJing, Denise has also found another new niche, making TV shows for Channel 4 about saving money. Is she the new Martin Lewis?
“Oh no,” she laughs. “He’s very much the expert, whereas I’m just the person asking the questions, like anyone at home. It’s been really unexpected, but [the TV shows] have done really well and, ultimately, it’s helping people save money. I love learning all the hacks, too.
“It’s nice to go out and meet people, as that’s where I started my career, going on the streets to meet and interview people. It’s all come full circle.”
As we come to the end of Denise’s year of saying yes, will she keep it up into 2025?
“I can’t,” she says, adamantly.
“I’m so exhausted! This girl can’t say yes any more. I’ve got to make 2025 my year of no!”
Denise will show the nation how to lower heating bills, December 5, 8pm, Channel 4.
IN THE MAKE-UP CHAIR with Denise
What’s your skincare secret?
I’m a big believer in letting your skin breathe. I try not to wear make-up all the time.
Any make-up bag essentials?
Charlotte Tilbury Hollywood Flawless Filter, Benefit Badgal mascara and Nyx Professional Makeup eyeliner for a winged look.
What do you splurge on?
Byonik facials have changed my skin. For me, it’s an investment.
Who is your celebrity beauty icon?
Sienna Miller – she’s become more beautiful as she’s got older.
Best budget buy?
I’ve always used Vaseline Intensive Care Cocoa Radiant Body Lotion, which is as cheap as chips.
Describe your beauty evolution.
I was such an Essex girl, but now I’ve pared it all back. Less is more.