Gobble don't squabble: A Thanksgiving guide to togetherness

ALBANY (NEWS10) - Thanksgiving is a time for family, food, and—let’s face it—sometimes a little friction. Before you pass the mashed potatoes or dive into a heated debate, experts are offering advice to help families keep the peace at the holiday table.

The mantra this year? "Gobble, don’t squabble." It’s a simple strategy aimed at steering clear of political showdowns while still enjoying your turkey and stuffing.

According to a 2024 survey by the American Psychiatric Association, 31% of Americans expect heated political discussions with family during the holidays. Alarmingly, 21% said these disagreements have caused estrangement. A 2023 Quinnipiac poll revealed that 61% of voters would rather avoid politics entirely during holiday gatherings.

Dr. Rudy Nydegger, Chief of the Division of Psychology at Ellis Hospital in Schenectady, says it’s possible to navigate these situations without alienating loved ones. His advice? Set boundaries and focus on maintaining a positive atmosphere.

“You don’t want to make it like a punitive thing, that you’re not supposed to talk about stuff here,” Dr. Nydegger explains. “You can’t control what other people do, but you can control what you do—and that’s the place to start.”

Rather than trying to persuade others to your perspective, Dr. Nydegger recommends steering the conversation away from contentious topics.

“People treat opinions as if they were facts, and that creates problems,” he says. “Nobody thinks they’re wrong, which means there’s not really a good way to change opinions. The more appropriate thing is to acknowledge the differences and say, ‘You know what? I don’t think we’re going to see eye to eye on this, so we might as well just leave it alone.’”

To help illustrate these strategies, Dr. Nydegger shared advice on how to handle some common holiday scenarios:

• Scenario 1: A relative says, “I think the last election was rigged.” Dr. Nydegger advises responding with, “Rather than talking about elections, why don’t we talk about the pie?”
• Scenario 2: Gas prices come up during a discussion about someone’s long drive to dinner. You could say, “Gas prices are high, but my appetite for pumpkin pie is higher!” Or, simply redirect with, “Let’s not get into that—how’s everyone’s pumpkin pie game this year?”

Humor, he adds, can be a useful tool. “Not making fun of a person’s opinion, but rather using humor to skirt or change the issue, can defuse tension,” Dr. Nydegger notes. “Thanksgiving dinner is certainly not the place to have political arguments.”

The takeaway? Focus on gratitude and gravy, not grudges. Keep conversations light, and remember: the only thing that should be roasted at Thanksgiving dinner is the turkey.