Circus maximus: Matt Eberflus gets fired in the most Bear way ever

I don’t know what kind of business the McCaskeys are running, but it’s not an NFL franchise.

A legitimate pro football team doesn’t allow its sad-sack head coach to do a press conference the morning after an appalling loss and then fire him hours later. That’s what the Bears did to Matt Eberflus on Friday. But don’t mistake ineptitude for coldness. This wasn’t cruelty. This was typical Halas Hall denseness.

A legitimate pro football team doesn’t bring back the likes of Eberflus for one more season after he’s compiled a two-year record of 10-24. That’s what the Bears did after last season, and the original sin of Eberflus’ retention led to all the spectacular sins of this season. It led to the biggest sin of all, Eberflus’ decision not to call a timeout Thursday as the clock ticked torturously down with the Bears needing one decent completion to have a chance to tie the game against the mighty Lions.

That egregious mistake apparently was enough to get team chairman George McCaskey off his memory foamed existence and into something resembling action. Or maybe it was Eberflus’ continued insistence that the Bears’ plan late in the Detroit game was a sound one. Maybe that bizarreness finally brought McCaskey to some semblance of consciousness.

In a rare moment of lucidity, the family did something the Bears have never done in their 104-year history: They fired their head coach during the season. Trust me, there were more than a few Bears coaches who deserved to be fired midseason, but due to some strange organizational allegiance to courtesy, decorum or economics, the Bears have always said no to making a change.

They did it Friday, but in typical McCaskey fashion, they dropped the ball before crossing the goal line. They allowed Eberflus to meet with reporters via Zoom that morning and again make a fool of himself by trying to defend the indefensible. It’s beyond understanding. They didn’t turn Eberflus into a sympathetic character. They just became a little more pathetic themselves.

It’s just breathtaking, this incompetence. You don’t think it can get any worse, and then you stop yourself: Not only can it get worse, it most likely will. These are the Bears.

Admittedly, going further downhill will be a tall task. The current six-game losing streak includes Bears defensive back Tyrique Stevenson sinking his team by taunting Washington fans while Jayden Daniels’ game-winning Hail Mary pass was in the air. It includes back-to-back weeks of blocked field-goal attempts, the first after Eberflus opted for a 46-yard boot rather than an extra play to make things easier for kicker Cairo Santos. It includes Eberflus’ failure to call a timeout Thursday, an assault on football sensibilities everywhere. Even the cloying Jim Nantz, whose sweat glands excrete syrup, referred to the last play as “completely botched’’ on the CBS broadcast.

There’s nothing in the history of McCaskey ownership that points to good things ahead. Well, sure, the very act of getting rid of Eberflus would seem to be a positive. The Bears are 4-8 and would be much better than that if not for the coach’s poor decisions. Good riddance, right? But the team’s record of bad head coaching hires under the McCaskeys makes it more than likely another bad one is on the way. The Bears named offensive coordinator Thomas Brown the interim coach.

Please don’t tell me that president Kevin Warren and general manager Ryan Poles will find the right man. The McCaskeys hired Warren and Poles. Please don’t tell me that the Bears will look for outside consultants to help with the coaching search. The McCaskeys will hire those consultants.

The only coach out there who might be McCaskey-proof, who might not be negatively affected by decades of institutional clumsiness, is Bill Belichick. It’s hard seeing the Bears giving him control over the whole operation because that would mean reducing Poles’ role. That’s not how the McCaskeys do things, but let’s see: A coach who has won eight Super Bowls vs. a general manager who is two-plus seasons into his job.

A good NFL franchise cares about winning, not about how the organizational flowchart is supposed to work. I don’t know if Belichick would be a good fit for quarterback Caleb Williams, but I do think Belichick could push aside some of the McCaskey nonsense that has led the franchise to just nine playoff appearances since the 1990 season.

Lions offensive coordinator Ben Johnson is the hot head-coaching candidate this season. Students of how the McCaskeys have done business the past four decades see several possibilities: If the Bears hire Johnson, he’ll be a flop. Or he’ll go missing. Or he’ll spontaneously combust on national television.

Something. It’s always something. Something other than winning.