My husband has been lying about his love of porn – he watches it every day before work at a petrol station, I’m gutted
A WOMAN has revealed her husband has been concealing his love of porn.
She explained that she has been with her man for the past three years and when they first got together, she set a boundary that she wouldn’t be happy with him watching pornography.
But after looking at his location history on his phone, she discovered that he had been leaving their home early every single day before work to watch porn at a petrol station.
Not only this, but she found out that he even views it at work too.
Shocked at her discovery, the woman took to social media to reveal all, leaving many open-mouthed.
Posting on Reddit, on the r/marriageadvice thread, the 30-year-old woman who writes under the username @dry-north-22, opened up about her 28-year-old husband’s actions.
She titled her post ‘Husband lied to me about watching porn. Hiding it by driving to the nearest gas station’.
The anonymous woman then confessed: “Caught my husband of one year hiding and lying about watching porn.
“He knew of my past experiences with this and how much it hurt me.
“I made sure to tell him it was a hard boundary for me before we even started dating.
“He told me he has a better moral code than that and doesn’t want to hurt me like the men in my past.
“I would tell him all the time how I appreciate him and I’m so thankful I found a man like him and he would reassure me that when you love your partner you don’t watch porn.”
The woman’s discovery came three days after their one year anniversary, as she continued: “I saw it on his phone.
“His phone history has a location on it when things are searched. He never did it at our house.
“He would leave for work in the morning and stop at a gas station to watch it.
Signs you are addicted to porn
There is no definitive or formal definition of ‘porn addiction’.
It is not a clinical diagnosis and is given only a mention in the World Health Organisation’s ‘compulsive sexual behaviour disorder’ description.
Classification of what constitutes an addiction to porn addiction has been contested.
Therefore, experts prefer not to use an ‘hours-per-day threshold’ to diagnose porn addiction.
They say consumption is considered problematic if it interferes with daily life.
Psychotherapist Dr Paula Hall, who set up The Laurel Centre for sex and porn addiction, says: “The International Classification of Diseases document [maintained by the World Health Organization] says it needs to have caused significant distress in your life for at least six months.
“If it’s fun and not causing any problems in your life, it’s probably not an addiction.
“But for someone who has developed an addiction, it’s not fun any more.
“People know in their heart of hearts, ‘I need to get a grip, and I can’t’. That’s when it has become a problem.”
On the NHS page ‘Can you become addicted to sex?’ it says sex addiction is “any sexual activity that feels ‘out of control’.”
Some say those with porn addiction neglect self-care and responsibilities, socially withdraw, potentially engage in illegal activity or other addictions and live a ‘double life’, seemingly fine to others.
Other issues include porn-related erectile dysfunction or a general lack of sexual desire in real relationships.
“He said he never touched himself, just watched it in the morning five days a week.
“He also started watching when he was at work. He knew how it would hurt me and it would possibly cost him his family.”
The woman approached her husband about the situation, to which he suggested seeking therapy to deal with his deceit.
He would leave for work in the morning and stop at a gas station to watch it
Reddit poster
She added: “When I confronted him, he cried and said he wants to fix this and see a therapist together. I told him I would be there for him to get help.
“I personally don’t know if I want to continue with this marriage.
“We were talking about it last night and he asked me if I would be willing to sleep with other men so he can watch/record it. He also asked about bringing in another person.
Getting help with a porn addiction
IF you think you, or someone you know, is battling a porn addiction, here's everything you need to know.
Acknowledge the Issue:
– Recognising that you have a problem is the first and most crucial step.
Seek Professional Help:
– Consult a therapist or counsellor who specialises in addiction. They can provide tailored strategies and support.
– Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is often effective in addressing addictive behaviours.
Join Support Groups:
– Consider joining a support group, either in-person or online. Groups like Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) offer a community of individuals facing similar challenges.
Establish Healthy Routines:
– Develop new hobbies and interests that can divert your attention and reduce the urge to watch porn.
– Regular physical exercise and mindfulness practices like meditation can help manage stress and reduce addictive behaviour.
Set Boundaries and Controls:
– Use internet filters and parental control software to limit access to pornographic content.
– Create a schedule to limit screen time and ensure you have a structured daily routine.
Confide in Trusted Individuals:
– Share your struggles with a trusted friend or family member. Having someone to talk to can provide emotional support and accountability.
Educate Yourself:
– Learn about the impacts of porn addiction on mental health, relationships, and overall well-being. Knowledge can empower you to make positive changes.
Stay Patient and Persistent:
– Recovery is a journey and may involve setbacks. Stay committed to your goals and celebrate small victories along the way.
“I asked why he even started and his response was he wasn’t happy with him, he didn’t feel like he was supporting me enough emotionally or satisfying me in the bedroom.”
Unsure of what to do, she asked: “I always communicated about what I like and wanted him to do; he just never did. What should I do?”
Reddit users react
Reddit users were left stunned by the woman’s claims and many flocked to the comments to share their thoughts and advice on the situation.
One person said: “If he’s watching porn at work, he has a problem. This isn’t just letting your partner have private time, this sounds like a serious addiction.”
I have nothing morally wrong with porn, however you set a boundary and he crossed it
Reddit user
Another added: “Sorry to say this, but you’re in for a rough marriage if you try to control your partner. Let him enjoy what he enjoys or let him do it in private. You cannot tell him not to do it at all – what that really means is, “lie to me”.
“Learn this now: either accept each other with ALL your flaws, or be miserable and resentful later on. Pick what you love him for and focus on that vs trying to change who he is.”
This sounds like a serious addiction
Reddit user
A third commented: “I have nothing morally wrong with porn, however you set a boundary and he crossed it.”
Meanwhile, someone else penned: “It sounds like you two have incompatible ideas on the way you engage with your sexualities.
“I’m so sorry, because for you it sounds like watching porn is a hard NO. An unacceptable habit, and a clear boundary.
“For whatever reason, he doesn’t seem to feel that same way. He seems to have a need for it, or at least, a deep desire.”