What We Do in the Shadows Recap: The Warriors

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. So there are these vampires in Staten Island, right? And they’re invited to a vampire party. And so they get all dressed up in their vampire finest and go out to this event, and all the vampires in New York City are there. We’re talking leatherette vampires, Coney Island carny vampires, mimes and punks, and vampires dressed like Madonna in Desperately Seeking Susan. (Great flick, by the way.) Even the most fearsome clique of them all, the Manhattan private all-girls school vampires, are there. But it all turns out to be a trap, a setup that ends with the Staten Island vampires fleeing with the entire NYC horde in pursuit because, well, they’re the protagonists.

Variations of this scenario have appeared during What We Do in the Shadows’s six-season run (see: season-one highlight “The Trial” and season-two finale “Nouveau Théâtre des Vampires”). Were we not in the final stretch of this particular series, I might be a little grumpier about revisiting the scenario for a third time in “Come Out and Play.” (I’m feeling a little nostalgic; what can I say?) Incorporating the premise of the cult classic The Warriors didn’t hurt, either. (Also a great flick; check it out if you haven’t had the chance.) All of which is to say that I was thoroughly entertained by this week’s episode, which had a lightness and silliness to it that is characteristic of this series at its best.

It also gave Nadja the main-character moment she’s needed for a while, proving herself to be the toughest and most belligerent of the whole Staten Island crew. She steps up three different times in “Come Out and Play,” using her loyalty, medium-speed feet, and finally her super strength to defend her vampire family (I agree, “vamily” is gross). It was nice what Laszlo said about being unable to live forever without her. However, his newfound protectiveness is a little rich, given how distracted and disengaged he’s been from their relationship over the past couple of seasons. But whatever, I was worried that she and Laszlo were going to break up when they were bickering earlier in the episode, so I’ll just be happy that they’re happy. Because if your favorite fictional TV couple can’t stay together, then what hope do any of us in the real world have?

Slightly suspicious claims that it was all for Nadja aside, Cravensworth’s Monster is fully trained and ready to serve as protector for the Staten Island vampire clan — until he gets a little too excited, like a dog that doesn’t know its own strength, and squeezes a vampire so hard their eyes explode. Jerry had it coming, frankly, both for being an ungrateful follower of the great Baron Afanas and for outliving his usefulness as a counterpoint to our main vampire cast’s lack of ambition.

The gang needs a new protector now that Guillermo has been ejected from the family, although this week, his FOMO is kicking in in a big way. (Let’s be real: He wouldn’t have been invited to the ceremony as a familiar, either.) It doesn’t help that Guillermo’s own blood relatives (eyyyy) don’t really get him — his cousin Miguel (Frankie Quiñones, recently of This Fool fame) says he’s cool with Guillermo’s gay friends, but he doesn’t believe that they’re actually vampires until a supernatural throwdown with the barista-for-now-until-their-art-career-takes-off vampire set at the late-night chain coffee shop.

It’s never a bad idea to know a guy who knows guys who drive cool custom dune buggies, however, especially when those guys are pushy, touchy jocks who have Van Helsing blood that they never even knew about running through their veins. Miguel is the kind of guy who’s difficult to be around but good to know if you’re ever in an emergency. Bringing him into the fold — along with Guillermo, who’s happy to drop everything when his friends need him — only strengthens the Staten Island vampires’ position, as does the Baron reasserting his dominance over the NYC vampire community. (They’re his special friends with benefits, you see.)

Even Gizmo gets a begrudging “atta boy” from Nadja for his fighting skills, which leaves only one loser this week: Nandor, who makes a fool of himself making a pass at the Guide, newly single once again now that Jerry’s head is rotting in the vampires’ foyer. She knows exactly what Nandor is up to and joins this week’s ranks of winners by having some dignity and self-respect and turning him down. She knows you’re only doing this because you’re desperate, bro — not to mention the fact that she just saw her last boyfriend’s head being popped like a grape in front of everyone she knows. Give it a rest.

Craven Mirth

• The Warriors is streaming on Amazon Prime, although it looks like it’s leaving at the end of the month, so get on it!

• Congratulations to the Baron and the Sire on the unholy brood. I’m not going to ask how these infernal offspring were conceived because (1) that’s rude. And (2), they’re vampires. Anything is possible.

• You know what that pink silk contraption tied around Laszlo’s neck is called, right? A pussy bow. Heh.

• “I haven’t seen the Lower East Side vampire band since one of them spat on me in 1983. I was cool with it; it’s what we did back then.”

• Also name-checked in this week’s episode: The Hamptons vampires, the Rockaway surfers, the JFK TSA vampires, the Meatpacking District vampires, and, of course, the Riverboat Gambler (RIP).

• Two small details I appreciated in this week’s episode: the Guide looking down at the round when Nandor said love was “under his nose,” and Mark Proksch sticking his tongue into the top of the round dome lid on his frozen coffee treat. What a freak.

• Colin is Freak of the Week, in fact, reminding us throughout “Come Out and Play” that he’s low-key the sickest and most perverse out of all the vampires, especially with those puns.

• The best line reading of the week comes from Doug Jones as the Baron, asking “what the hhzphfell” the gang was thinking.

• Yes, that was Alexander Skarsgård at the end there. He can’t let his little brother take all of the vampire glory this month.