I drank 100 glasses of wine a WEEK at Christmas parties – it made me do shameful things
TAMMY DOYLE stood laughing and joking in her party dress with a glass of wine in one hand.
She looked like any other woman at a festive dinner with her partner and his family, having left her daughter with her mum.
Like so many of us, she had spent the run-up to Christmas on a merry-go-round of drinking — white wine with old friends, fizz with colleagues, big glasses of red snuggled up in front of the TV.
It is the time of the year when no one bats an eyelid.
But with 60 per cent of drinkers bingeing over the season, it is also the time secret problem drinkers like Tammy can slip under the radar.
Because behind her glamorous and happy exterior hid a sad reality.
She was in the grip of alcohol dependency which saw her drinking the equivalent of 100 glasses of wine a week.
Tammy, 43, had a vodka-filled Lucozade bottle in her bag, plus a packet of mints to disguise the smell of booze on her breath.
Before the dinner, she necked a couple of gins. And during the meal she made trips to the loo for a gulp of vodka.
Tammy, who lives in East London with her daughter Caitlin, 20, and has now been sober for four years, says: “I was relieved it was Christmas. Everyone else was getting tipsy too. It was easier to disguise the fact I’d been drinking all day.
“It’s awful to admit that was one of my favourite things about the festive season. With everyone else having a cheeky glass of champagne for breakfast, I felt that I fitted in.
“But my intake would triple at that time of year.
“On two occasions, in 2017 and 2019, I ended up in hospital soon afterwards, my body unable to withstand the amount of alcohol I’d drunk — at least three bottles of wine and numerous shots every day.
“It was the equivalent of 100 glasses of wine a week.
“My mother found me unresponsive and called an ambulance.
“It’s extreme but it didn’t start out like that. It began with me drinking to gain confidence as I was shy.
“It escalated to blot out the stresses of life. I had depression and anxiety, close family members died and relationships broke down — things that happen to many women.
“It is why I’m speaking out to warn them, they could easily go down the same path as me.
‘Blot out stress’
“Christmas particularly is a danger period. My drinking would escalate and it’s hard to go back down to pre-festive levels.”
A survey by charity Drinkaware shows that 57 per cent of adults will binge drink on Christmas Day and two thirds drink more than usual over the festive period.
Alcohol-related issues already account for 70 per cent of admissions to A&E.
In 2022, more than 2,700 women died from alcohol-related liver disease, the highest number on record.
This marks a 78 per cent increase over the past 20 years, with a sharp surge of 31 per cent since 2019.
The age at which women are diagnosed is getting younger, too, with an increasing number in their forties.
Tammy’s liver is scarred and she is 20 per cent more likely to get liver cancer.
Her journey with alcohol was typical to start with.
She got a job in admin after leaving school at 16 and would go out with colleagues on a Friday after work.
She says: “I was shy and had been bullied at school, but once I had a drink I could talk to anyone.”
When Tammy got pregnant aged 21, she found it easy to give up drinking.
For the first four years of Catilin’s life, wine was only a weekend treat with friends.
In 2008, the relationship with Caitlin’s dad broke down and her drinking increased, but only at the weekends when Caitlin would stay with her grandmother.
Tammy, who is studying to be a massage therapist, says: “Gradually I’d ask my mum to have her for another day so I could carry on partying. Between 2010 and 2015 my heavy drinking would fluctuate.
“In 2012 I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety so I self- medicated. But for weeks at a time I would barely drink and could hold down jobs, working in admin roles.
“Then it would escalate. You don’t suddenly start drinking in the morning, it’s gradual.
“I started earlier, then never had a day off. It was my crutch. My friends distanced themselves and my mum was worried. But you kid yourself it’s normal and that everyone’s doing it.”
By 2015, Tammy was struggling so much that she asked her mum to look after Caitlin.
She says: “I recognised I was ill and couldn’t provide her with the stability she needed. I was in a toxic relationship and drinking to escape reality. I felt so guilty about Caitlin that I’d drink more to blot it out.”
The relationship ended in 2016 and shortly afterwards Tammy got together with her ex-partner Dave*.
“He knew I had issues but had no idea how bad they were.
“I carried mints and a bottle of perfume to disguise the smell. I’d hide empty bottles in the outside bin.
“By then I was drinking all the time. I’d even wake up in the night, with my heart racing and have a glass of wine to help me sleep.
We’d go out with family and friends. They’d never realise how drunk I was. I had techniques to hide it
Tammy Doyle
“We’d go out with family and friends. They’d never realise how drunk I was. I had techniques to hide it. I’d pre-drink in secret and would always be the one pouring drinks so no one could tell how much I had. It was exhausting trying to hide it, which is why I welcomed Christmas when everyone would be drinking to excess.
“I always wanted it to be magical for Caitlin but I struggled.
“It’s hard to remember dates when your life is a blur of alcohol. But there was one year I’d spent all my money on booze and had to buy presents from the charity shop.
“Another year, at my cousin’s house, I fell over into her tree. And on another occasion I went Christmas shopping and was so drunk, I sat down only to fall into an alcoholic stupor and was shaken awake by someone asking if I was OK.
“I was so ashamed but so dependent that I’d drink more to blot out those feelings.
“I felt wracked with guilt too. At such a family time, I knew I was falling short as a mum.
“It’s so easy to overindulge at Christmas because wherever you go someone offers you a drink and alcohol is on special offer at the supermarkets.”
New figures show deaths directly attributable to alcohol increased by 4.6 per cent in 2022 to 2023.
Ailsa Rutter, a spokeswoman for NHS alcohol awareness organisation Balance, says: “This is particularly pertinent in the run-up to Christmas, when we see a saturation of alcohol advertising, countless promotions in supermarkets and unavoidable pressures to drink.”
Last year, 8,274 people died from alcohol-specific causes in England, the majority from alcohol-related liver disease. It is a 42 per cent rise since 2019, before the pandemic.
Tammy could easily have been part of that statistic.
‘One more drink could kill’
In July 2020 she was admitted to hospital, her stomach so swollen she looked pregnant and her skin yellow.
She needed a five-hour operation to stem the bleeding in her liver and stayed in hospital for a month.
Doctors told her one more drink could kill her. When she came home, she vowed to stay sober — and Caitlin came back to live with her.
But Tammy relapsed for five days in October and then in November, after her beloved nan died.
She says: “I told myself I could have the occasional drink.
“Even my adored daughter telling me she would leave to live with my mum again and knowing I could die couldn’t stop me.”
Tammy’s turning point came in December 2020.
She says: “I was at a Christmas party and ostensibly drinking water, but in my bag were ready-made gin and tonics.
I was at a Christmas party and ostensibly drinking water, but in my bag were ready-made gin and tonics
Tammy Doyle
“I slipped off to the bathroom and gulped it all. Then I left, buying a bottle of prosecco on the way home. I planned to drink the lot.
“But I didn’t. I remember looking out of the window and feeling peace wash over me. I knew I was done.
“With support from the charity Turning Point, I haven’t touched a drop since.
“My life couldn’t be more different from the chaos before. I eat healthily, I do yoga, go to the gym and meditate. My relationship with Caitlin is amazing.”
Tammy is so confident in her sobriety that she even works in a pub to fund her studies.
She says: “I see women there, outwardly confident and in control. But I recognise my former self in some of them. I try to talk to them and tell my story. I want them to know you can change your life around.”
Caitlin, who is studying to be a beauty therapist, says: “I don’t drink, as I know only too well what it can do to you. I became aware that my mum had alcohol issues when I was around 11. I felt angry and scared.
“I couldn’t understand why she couldn’t stop and would worry that she’d embarrass me.
“When I was 16 I was convinced Mum was going to die within the year and I told myself I had to get used to it.
“When she got sober it took a year before I could trust that she wouldn’t relapse.
“But we slowly rebuilt our relationship and now we are closer than ever.”
- *Name changed
ARE YOU AT RISK?
Early signs of alcohol dependency include . . .
- Drinking more than intended
- Finding it hard to cut down
- Strong cravings
- Thinking about alcohol often
- Needing to drink more to get the same effect
- Withdrawal symptoms such as shakiness, sweating, anxiety
- Drinking is more important than responsibilities,
- relationships or hobbies