I don’t know whether to stick with safe husband or amazing sex-addict lover
DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVE met the most incredible man. He is the best lover, is considerate, adventurous and has an exciting life.
I am ready to throw in my steady but boring married life for him, but there is one significant niggle.
He has been a swinger in the past and I’ve discovered he has signed up to a no-strings sex site — so I don’t know if I can trust him.
I am 33 and my husband is 34. We have been married for six years and have a two-year-old daughter.
We were going through a rough patch when I began chatting to this 38-year-old man on Instagram.
He and I flirted for a while and then met up. There was instant chemistry.
After a few drinks, we ended up going to his flat.
He made me feel so alive and the sex was way better than I have ever had with my husband.
Our affair has been going on for almost four months.
My husband was devastated when I told him about it and said I wanted a divorce.
But I’ve got a nagging doubt that I’m not sure I really trust my lover.
He has slept with so many women in the past and if he has a history of swinging, can he really be happy with just me?
This week I had a peek at his laptop when he went for a shower and saw that he had registered with, and had been visiting, another casual sex site.
He tells me he loves me and wants a family life together.
I don’t know whether to bite the bullet and go full throttle with this relationship or stick with my safe marriage.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Your lover may be telling the truth – that he loves you.
But don’t ignore your instinct and look at the hard facts: You are about to leave a good man with whom you have a young child, for a self-confessed swinger who isn’t being honest about signing up to sex sites.
These are more than niggles – I’m seeing plenty of red flags.
Life can get tedious in long-term relationships but with a little attention it is entirely possible to get your marriage back on track.
Tell your lover you need space while you sort out your marriage one way or the other.
If he really loves you, he will understand and will wait for you.
You can get help by contacting Tavistock Relationships (020 7380 1960, tavistockrelationships.org).
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