The Challenge You Are Facing Right Now Might Be Needed to Help You Grow

Years ago, former Israeli Chief Rabbi Yisrael Meir Lau shared an incredible story that continues to resonate deeply. Two elite Israeli soldiers, part of a highly specialized anti-terror unit, were sent on a critical mission: to capture or eliminate a notorious terrorist hiding in Lebanon. The operation brought them to the terrorist’s home, where they burst in to find his wife and three young children. The soldiers searched the home meticulously, but the target was nowhere to be found.

As one soldier guarded the family, the woman suddenly spoke — astonishingly, in Hebrew. She claimed she was Jewish and, to prove it, revealed a chai necklace around her neck. Skeptical, the soldiers demanded further evidence. The woman directed them to a record hidden beneath her mattress, saying it would confirm her story. They found the record as described. Its cover bore the words Kol Nidrei.

The woman then shared her extraordinary tale. “I grew up in Minneapolis and my parents were Holocaust survivors. When I went to college, I fell in love with a man of Lebanese descent. We planned to marry and move to Lebanon, but my parents were devastated. My mother, furious and heartbroken, gave me an ultimatum: If I married him, I would cease to be her daughter.”

“Confused, but deeply in love, I left. At the airport, as I stood in line to check my baggage, my father appeared. With tears in his eyes, he reassured me that no matter what, I would always be his daughter and always have a home to return to. He gave me this chai necklace as a parting gift, asking me to wear it always. Then, he handed me his most treasured possession — a record of Kol Nidrei, his favorite cantorial piece. He begged me to play it from time to time and remember my roots.”

The soldiers, moved by her story, believed her. The commander spoke plainly: “Your husband will eventually be captured or killed. Either way, you have no life here. Come with us, return to Israel, and reclaim your place among your people.”

And she did. The woman and her children left Lebanon and rebuilt their lives in Israel. She remarried — a Jewish man this time — and her parents flew to Israel to attend the wedding. They met their grandchildren for the first time, a joyous reunion that had once seemed impossible. The children were enrolled in religious schools, and today, the family lives as religious Jews in Israel.

This story feels especially poignant in light of this week’s Torah portion, Vayishlach. Jacob is preparing to face his brother Esav, who remains furious over the stolen birthright blessing. Alone and vulnerable in the night, Jacob is confronted by a mysterious figure. The Torah tells us: “A man wrestled with him until the break of dawn.”

Who was this man, and why did he engage Jacob in this all night struggle?

The great medieval commentator, the Rashbam, identifies this man as an angel sent by God. His mission was to compel Jacob to confront his fears and fulfill his destiny by meeting Esav face-to-face. Based on this, my friend, Yeshiva University President Rabbi Ari Berman, suggests that this is part of a larger theme in the book of Genesis — that whenever the Patriarchs are confronted with a potentially life-altering situation and facing their covenantal destiny, an anonymous ish, a “person,” appears to help the Torah figure move in the right direction.

Later in the Torah, we see this again with Joseph. When Jacob sends him to check on his brothers near Shechem, Joseph becomes lost. Out of nowhere, an ish appears and tells him his brothers have moved on to Dosan. Thanks to this encounter, Joseph finds his brothers, who throw him into a pit and eventually sell him into slavery. Though it appears to be a tragedy, this event sets the stage for Joseph to descend to Egypt and fulfill his covenantal destiny.

Sometimes we too need to confront our most difficult challenges to become the people we were meant to be. But God also helps us get there. He sends special people or an odd circumstance to help us reach that place. We just need to learn to see those people or experiences as possibilities for growth. The problem is that we lack perspective, and when we are going through something unfortunate or difficult, we often think it is just a step back. Losing a job, ending a relationship, or encountering failure can feel devastating, yet these experiences often open doors we never imagined. Facing Esav in Jacob’s case, or going down to Egypt in Joseph’s situation, could only be perceived at the time as negative and unfortunate situations. But both circumstances ultimately put Jacob and Joseph where they needed to be to become the great men they ultimately became.

I don’t know how marrying a Lebanese terrorist could be seen as anything short of disastrous, and this young woman certainly made the wrong choice at that time in her life. But after the fact, it put her in a situation where she was given another choice to make, to leave her husband, return to her people and become committed to Judaism in a way that perhaps she might never have — had she remained in Minneapolis her whole life. God works in mysterious ways.

May Hashem help us find the strength to embrace life’s challenges with faith and openness. And may we have the clarity to recognize the ish — the people and moments that guide us toward our covenantal destiny, helping us become the individuals we were meant to be.

Rabbi Mark Wildes is the founder and director of the Manhattan Jewish Experience (MJE), a vibrant community for young Jewish professionals, and the author of The 40 Day Challenge: Daily Jewish Insights to Prepare for the High Holidays and Beyond the Instant: Jewish Wisdom for Lasting Happiness in a Fast-Paced Social Media World.

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