Is my ADHD diagnosis the reason I’ve struggled with romantic relationships?

DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER recently being diagnosed with ADHD and autism I can’t help but think this is the reason why I have always struggled with maintaining romantic relationships and dating.

I am a 30-year-old man. I see things as being very black or white. There are no grey areas so it makes it hard for me to understand what people are going through.

I have been told I have no empathy because I don’t like people sharing their problems with me.

I only offer advice out of a sense of duty. I don’t comfort people when they are upset. I have tried only to be told I make things worse, or I am no good at it.

I also take things literally. I panic when I get a text because I can’t read between the lines and worry I’ve misunderstood what the other person is saying.

I miss social cues and I have been accused of making former girlfriends feel unimportant, which is never my intention. I often upset people without realising.

Even then I’ll need it explained several times before I understand. And if I’m honest there are plenty of incidents where I pretend to understand just so we can all move on.  

I find it easy to talk to women as friends but taking it further always seems daunting.

If I had been diagnosed at a younger age I could have learned strategies to manage. 

DEIDRE SAYS: Dating can be really complicated whether you are autistic or not. It is natural that you want to find a loving relationship.

You still have plenty of time but the best relationships start with friendship in the first place. 

The National Autistic Society has an online community and social groups to help you make contact with others (autism.org.uk, Tel: 0808 800 4104).

My support pack Learning About Relationships will hopefully help you too.