The 50 Funniest Tweets From Women In 2024
The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant — and succinct — wisdom. And although the platform has rebranded to X, their humour lives on.
Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up the most hilarious 280-character musings. To close out 2024, we’ve picked 50 of the funniest tweets from women this past year.
Scroll down to read some truly laugh-out-loud posts from some wonderful women. And sign up for our “Funniest Tweets of the Week” newsletter here.
hey sorry for being so anxious earlier i had no idea everything would be fine
— clare (@sadderlizards) January 23, 2024
me: what’s the last episode of this show that I watched
— katie (@katefeetie) January 10, 2024
hulu: I don’t see how that’s any of your business
once again it is 4pm, too early for a beer, too late for a coffee, and so i find myself roaming the streets desperate to spend $8 on a mysterious third beverage
— erin chack (@ErinChack) February 19, 2024
my mom didn't raise a quitter, she raised someone so afraid of failure that they don't even start something
— Soymeii (@soymeii) July 10, 2024
women: a good reason to not take your partner’s last name when you get married is that maybe you and i went to school together and i’d like to have a little look at what you’re up to now
— jar jar minx ???? (@jasecordova) April 16, 2024
nothing stronger than the bond between a girl and the 100+ episode procedural drama she starts rewatching in the middle of a mental health crisis
— lucy ford ???? (@lucyj_ford) January 28, 2024
I hate when doctors knock before they come in. Like what do you want me to say “who is it?”
— Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) March 5, 2024
my sister, since we’re at a 10-hour time difference now, which means that she lives “in the future” pic.twitter.com/0IfaSI57ZZ
— “paula” (@paularambles) September 2, 2024
Having a random hobby as an adult is actually hilarious. You’ll be having a day delivered directly from hell but then gotta suck it up to get to tap class by 6:30pm.
— KAYA NOVA (@thekayanova) October 24, 2024
I know my brother and his gf are fighting when I receive a text like this pic.twitter.com/8aU7b4GYzx
— Alexis Nowicki (@flyschola1) June 16, 2024
when i say "if i recall" or "if i remember correctly" i am being polite about being right. i remember and i am correct.
— Lena (@banalplay) May 26, 2024
Dates are weird like ok I guess I’ll dress up for my romantic interview
— ???? ???? ???? ???? ???? ???? ???? ???? ???? ???? (@goldimocks) June 26, 2024
my face before 9 year old me tell my mom i need a poster board and markers at 9pm on a school night pic.twitter.com/3yxGkWWZX0
— MK (@adoreanise) January 24, 2024
“don’t use q-tips to clean your ears, you’ll just push the wax in further!!” well, yeah, sure, except for my special technique. if I use my special technique then it’s fine.
— Avery Edison (@aedison) September 30, 2024
sometimes when I don’t want to pay the $100 therapy copay I go to my friend’s house and talk extra loud until her husband who’s working on his psych PhD goes “do you mind if I say something”
— faith (@faithnation) May 15, 2024
Apologies to our waitress Amy who said to my dad, “wanna box for the leftovers?” and he replied, “no, but I’ll wrestle you for them” hope we tipped enough
— Cooper Lawrence (@CooperLawrence) July 7, 2024
dislike seeing adult twins in public. feels like they’re going to ask me a riddle
— lesbian mothman ???????? (@verysmallriver) July 16, 2024
His name isn't Normal Al Yankovic https://t.co/2ZLVLHprFE
— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) October 3, 2024
many things are embarrassing but watching the ig story of a random acquaintance 52 seconds after it was posted is among the worst
— hunter harris (@hunteryharris) May 20, 2024
I could never be a 911 operator. Whenever someone would call I’d be like OMG
— Natalie (@jbfan911) October 20, 2024
you don't need to go to harvard for that https://t.co/a0BzWxXoUU
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) January 9, 2024
tried to take an outfit pic, but someone had other plans.. pic.twitter.com/E6dwK00n5w
— bella (@earlygirl__) January 14, 2024
I will never forget the time that I helped interview a man for a job opening and when he was asked what he would contribute to the team he said “probably snacks”
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) April 10, 2024
A mysterious 4th thing when I don’t call, text or FaceTime you but I think about you dearly. https://t.co/0frKa1wVlD
— Savia (artist)???????????????? (@saviaivas) January 18, 2024
Dental hygienist: you have to floss more. stop drinking so much coffee and tea. You CANNOT go on living like this
— tabitha (@thetolerantweft) May 5, 2024
Dentist: (holding my jaw to inspect it like a prized horse) yup lookin good
when people give me directions and they’re like “you can’t miss it” i’m like, oh you do not know what i’m capable of
— erica (@ericanextdooor) June 1, 2024
I love joining a class action lawsuit. Hell yeah I've been wronged. Justice needs to be served. A surprise check for $26 in 6 years will make it right
— alexandra (@bigmoodenergy) January 23, 2024
my brain when i’m hormonal and overstimulated pic.twitter.com/OJ1QMj36WW
— Sarah (@itssarahdutcher) June 2, 2024
The nurse said she needed some urine to test for potassium. "K," I said. Silence. "I bet everyone makes that joke," I say. She's like "In 15 years of nursing not one person has made that joke"
— sarah (@sarahradz_) June 12, 2024
In a changing room someone sneezed so I instinctively said ‘bless you’ and she said ‘…who is that??’ and I said ‘me’
— Dee (@figgled) July 22, 2024
oh, we’re just gonna “play it by ear?” [starts sweating] we aren’t making a reservation? [gnawing at fingernails] oh, we don’t even have a restaurant picked out? or a general time? we’re just gonna “see what the vibe is” day of? [begins bashing head into wall] no, im chill :)
— Meg (@megannn_lynne) June 2, 2024
why does asking people to hang out on your birthday feel like pic.twitter.com/8OTry1Xonb
— Niccole Thurman (@niccolethurman) October 23, 2024
skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. that’s the toddler injury
— Cat Elgarrista (@cat_elg) October 6, 2024
Me at 1 day pregnant: omg the baby is craving a vacation in the south of France
— chels (@kingchelsay) January 30, 2024
"Imma just wake up early and do it then" https://t.co/NLBE7sUInL
— Jenni (@hashjenni) January 28, 2024
I accidentally told my boss I loved him while getting off the phone so if anyone needs me I’ll be walking directly into the ocean.
— Kristen (@Kica333) November 19, 2024
when i was like 10 i learned that splitting an atom will make a nuclear explosion and for a long time i got really stressed out whenever i had to cut anything bc like. what if i hit an atom at just the right angle
— Nikki???? (@nikkineups) March 25, 2024
when you can’t remember if you took your meds so you start opening the pill bottle to see if the experience feels familiar enough to have happened recently
— latke (@latkedelrey) September 17, 2024
I could never be a movie critic because almost every time I see a movie I’m like “yeah that was fun” and it’s usually because I got popcorn and a big soda
— sarah (@sablaah) March 15, 2024
i think jobs should have 30 minutes of silent reading time every day after lunch just like fifth grade did
— trish (@ULTRAGLOSS) March 25, 2024
what like personally https://t.co/BbIA7UchCm
— ❄️ mari-lwyd odent ❄️ (@oldenoughtosay) May 10, 2024
So many true crime podcasts are just like “a young woman went missing, the police took a week to respond, she was last seen with a man the community call Creepy Murdery Steve, he has never been questioned”
— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) September 23, 2024
calling january 6th “j6” like it’s a k-pop group is unfortunately soooo funny
— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) September 11, 2024
Why after a Pap smear they be like ima step out so you can get dressed. You done already seen everything I had to offer????????
— Big Boss V ???? (@BigBossVette) September 18, 2024
my dad said the word “frogger” and i cut him off to go “i hardly know her” and he sighed big and went “just…stop. stop it. what would it mean to frog a woman”
— meredith ???? (@dietz_meredith) September 17, 2024
Someone in their late 20s giving advice to someone in their early 20s is exactly like when a toddler is obsessed with a newborn
— regan (@unclehaver) September 18, 2024
Me subtly trying to meet the bartender’s eye so they see I’m waiting politely and patiently and should let me order next pic.twitter.com/Crqs1n9NNN
— Keara Sullivan (@superkeara) September 26, 2024
why apartments like to show u 15 pics of the leasing office like bitch lemme see dat bathroom
— squish (@kyonigotchi) September 29, 2024
watching someone else control the computer and doing it differently than you would is one of life’s greatest challenges
— chase (@_chase_____) November 18, 2024
My two year old nephew just absolutely roasted my ass. Got on a FaceTime with him and he showed me his trains and then he asked “where are yours?” and I had to admit that I own zero trains. Fucking humiliating.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) November 21, 2024