The 50 Most Hilarious Tweets From Parents In 2024
Every week, we round up funny tweets from moms and dads. Although Twitter has rebranded to X, the humor lives on.
Now that 2024 is coming to an end, it’s time to spotlight the most hilarious tweets of them all. Check out the 50 best parenting tweets of the year below, and follow @HuffPostParents for even more laughs.
Filled out the paperwork for my daughter’s 1st passport and under “employment” was told to write “unemployed baby”
— Madelaine Lucas (@madelaine_lucas) January 23, 2024
My dad told my daughter she was the best duster ever then leaned in to me and whispered “if you tell kids they’re amazing at the chore they don’t bitch about doing it” and suddenly I’m questioning if I really was the most amazing weed-puller he ever saw
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) January 18, 2024
I put my daughter to bed an hour ago and she's just come down and asked me if cats have shoulders
— Amy (@queenofaerobics) November 19, 2024
My daughter keeps exclaiming, “What in tarnation?” when something surprises her. It’s cute but a little like living with a 3rd Grade Yosemite Sam.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) January 31, 2024
my daughter asked why she can’t just quit school and i told her it’s against the law and they’ll put me in jail and my sweet sweet child looked me in the eye and said “i’ll visit you”
— ???????????????????? ???? ✶ (@MandyLawani) July 20, 2024
“I don’t want the orange juice with the fruit meat”. - my 6yo referring to pulp as fruit meat
— Princess | Mindfulness | Conscious Parenting (@themultiplemom) January 1, 2024
We told my 4yr old I was pregnant and she was NOT happy about it. After she cried in her bed she came downstairs hands on hips and asked in the most accusatory tone “And where exactly is this new baby gonna sleep?” like we were two teens who hadn’t thought this pregnancy through
— Mandalynns23 (@mandalynns23) October 10, 2024
APPARENTLY when you’re playing the floor is lava with your child it is bad form to lay down on the floor and allow the lava to consume you. I know this now
— Eka Bakie (@EkaBakie) June 30, 2024
waiter: "anything to drink?"
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) March 6, 2024
4 year old: "my mom needs a fucking margarita"
So, yeah, they're always listening.
The kids were asking me what time they were all born and I said the youngest was born at 1:29am, and they all agreed that it must have been nice that she just came out while I was sleeping.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) July 30, 2024
Walking to baby's doctor appointment and wondering if I have unreasonable expectations.*
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) December 2, 2024
*that the pediatrician will immediately confess this is the most spectacular human specimen she's ever encountered and the reason she became a doctor.
Shout out to the mom who signed up for napkins within seconds of the class end-of-year party list going live
— meghan (@deloisivete) May 11, 2024
My daughter told me there is a small get together at school on Friday.
— єℓαιηє (@elainesim28) September 10, 2024
I asked her, "How small?"
She replied,
"Just you, me, and the principal.
me: did you have fun on your playdate?
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) September 9, 2024
my 9yo: yes, but that was the wrong Logan. Next week can I have a playdate with the Logan who's my friend?
My 3 year old told me that when she was in my belly, she had toys to play with....and the toys are still in there.
— cur???? (@mommatofour_) August 7, 2024
So that's terrible news.
Tonight I discovered that my daughter, who is 17, has lived her whole life believing that the name of the singer of The Rolling Stones is McJagger.
— Oliver Jones (@oliverjones) May 16, 2024
It’s raining and my 3.5yo says his knee is acting up. So, it’s safe to say we spend too much time with grandpa.
— Mumnipotent Ruler (@MumOfTw0) April 18, 2024
I took my 6yo to softball practice and then realized it was canceled. My 6yo smiled at me, "Well, look at that, we yelled at each other for nothing."
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) April 30, 2024
My daughter has been experimenting with her own versions of “easy, peezy, lemon squeezy” and today she said “easy, crazy, mountain skeleton” and that’s gonna be tough to beat
— Drew Davenport ???? (@The_Davenporter) July 29, 2024
I can't prove he's involved (yet), but my 3yo has been obsessing over tow trucks for weeks and today we blew a tire ???? on nothing ???? for no reason ????
— sarah (@sarahradz_) May 28, 2024
I’m roasting garlic in the oven. My 13 year old thinks it smells like weed. I can relax now, confident that my youngest child has never smoked weed.
— natalayhehoo (@highprobably1) April 18, 2024
Apparently my 9yo daughter's imaginary friend is the ghost of an 8yo girl named Rose who died of the bubonic plague 200 years ago and I’m sure this is a completely normal developmental stage........
— Lil Bit ???? (@LizerReal) February 24, 2024
My 8yo has somehow acquired a day planner. This isn’t going to end well.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) May 22, 2024
8yo: Mom, can we go to McDonald’s on August 24th?
Me: ummm…I don’t know, maybe?
8yo: *clicks pen*
A toddler in their “why” phase makes you realize how little you know.
— mahrukh (@parhloumahrukh) July 7, 2024
My daughter just referred to her dad as my “ex husband”. I said girl that is my ex boyfriend I was never married to him. She gon look at me and say “well that’s weird for you to have a baby with somebody you wasn’t married to”. Not you judging me for making YOU ????
— Kira J (@IamKiraJ) January 4, 2024
explaining to my daughter that mommy is an alto 2 and a lot of these disney songs and nursery rhymes are not in my exquisite range
— am rod (@arod_twit) September 17, 2024
Me: if I don’t emotionally engage with my baby every second I’m with her, she won’t love me ????
— Cartoons Hate Her! (@CartoonsHateHer) July 25, 2024
My baby’s absolute favorite person: her big brother who shouts “go away baby!” every time he sees her
honestly obsessed w the high drama of toddlers. my 2 year old fell & bumped her knee and she looked up at me like an ailing Victorian child & said “will I ever walk again??????????”
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) April 9, 2024
hands down the worst part of parenting is when you have to follow through on a boundary you set ???? like ok i didnt want to actually leave the pool and now i have to be a woman of my word!!!
— emily may (@emilykmay) May 20, 2024
I burned my son waffle just a lil bit and every 2 mins he holds it up to me saying “look” .. i see it goddammit
— $tu. (@_OgStu) August 13, 2024
Not to brag but my daughter ate the fruit I packed in her lunch today. pic.twitter.com/cCRocEkbpl
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) February 19, 2024
Sorry kids I missed your childhood, I was busy trying to catch up on emails from your school
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) February 29, 2024
Nothing in the world is more important to a child than seeing what you just showed another adult on your phone.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 19, 2024
Be warned that if you buy your 5 year old a watch, you are going to get minute by minute updates on what the current time is
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) February 27, 2024
Being a parent to a toddler is messing with my vocab. Told someone that I was sorry I was late because I got stuck waiting on a choo choo train to pass
— Trey (@treydayway) February 18, 2024
"Since you're DIVORCED and don't have a BOYFRIEND you should get married to _______'s dad so me and ________ can be sisters"
— star•gyal (@beequammie) March 6, 2024
- my 6yo introducing me to her friend's dad at school drop off pic.twitter.com/asHL3MF02L
Me: goodnight, stop procrastinating
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) March 7, 2024
8yo: what’s procrastinating?
Me: stalling
8yo: what’s stalling?
Me: it’s when you—oh you’re good
i’m sorry but the fact that newborns have all this gas that’s freaking them out and you as the parent have to get it out or they won’t chill out is a massive mistake in the evolution of mankind
— amil (@amil) April 16, 2024
3-year-old is screaming “HELP” at the top of his lungs because I won’t let him go outside, in a blizzard, wearing just his unicorn pajamas. When I told him that might scare our neighbors, bc they’ll think something is really wrong, he started screaming “SOMETHING IS REALLY WRONG”
— hannahmatthews on ???? blsky (@hannahmsays) March 23, 2024
My 5 year old son just asked me how I know his name... I'm not in the mood today
— B ???? (@isabellayonce) March 13, 2024
My daughter met another toddler at the playground and my kid was like “What’s your name? Wow, that’s a beautiful name. Look at how strong you are! I love your shoes!”
— Robert Komaniecki (@Komaniecki_R) July 21, 2024
And it took me a second to realize she was copying what I do when I meet a baby ????
My 10 y/o son has a lot of friends who show up on our doorstep but by far my most fave lil dude has got to be the one who always appears holdin a fistful of ham
— floorboard (@StruggleDisplay) April 30, 2024
Parenting experts never warn you that one day you'll offer to let your son borrow one of your ties to match the suit he's wearing for prom and he'll respond by asking you if you have anything that's not from the 1900s
— ????????♂️ ????Dad Moon Rising???? ????♂️???? (@raoulvilla) April 29, 2024
Nobody victim blames more than my seven-year-old when he’s in trouble for punching his little brother
— Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) June 24, 2024
I fell off a podium in front of 200 people after doing a reading at my uncle’s funeral, hobbled back to my pew with a swollen sprained ankle, sat down turned to my son and he asked me for a snack
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) September 24, 2024
The pediatrician: What do you eat at your house?
— Courtney Ellis ???? (@courtneyellis) September 26, 2024
My 5yo: MOSTLY NACHOS
Me: I mean, that's not ALL we eat, hon.
5yo: YOU ARE RIGHT. WE ALSO EAT COSTCO PIZZA
Who needs coffee when you can help your third grader with forgotten math homework to jump start your day
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) December 10, 2024
They should have a subscription service for kids shoes.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) February 5, 2024
Y’all. I woke up with a headache and I hear my 9 year old son in the kitchen, so I asked him to bring me some water and an Aleve. He brings me some water AND A LEAF. When I tell you I have tears from laughing so hard.
— Nicole ✨ (@BombshellCole) November 9, 2024
I’ve spent a small fortune on my kids through the years.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 25, 2024
My son bought me a $1 coke at McDonald’s & would like to be immediately paid back.