I’ve finally dumped my partner after always playing second fiddle to his ex wife

DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE put up with playing second fiddle to my boyfriend’s wife for 20 years. Now I’ve dumped him and all I can do is cry.

I’m a woman of 51 and he’s 55. We met at a party when a friend introduced us and I fell totally in love with him.

I had a rush of blood to the head last week though. I’ve spent too long believing that he will leave his wife and might even propose to me.

At Christmas my sister said to me, “How long are you going to continue to be a doormat? He’ll never leave her.” When I told her he would, she suggested I give him an ultimatum so I did.

When he hadn’t left her by New Year’s Eve, all I could do was stick to my guns and tell him we were over.

Part of me feels liberated. I can now start dating again. But every night I cry myself to sleep, thinking about what might have been.

I don’t know what to do with myself. Should I make contact with him and invite him over for sex?

DEIDRE SAYS: Hold the line. You’ve been strong enough to put yourself first, don’t give up now. Things will feel better but you need to give it time.

Twenty years together is a long time. You’re grieving.

My support pack called Your Lover Not Free? will help you to appreciate that you’ve done a really brave thing whilst maintaining your integrity.