This Isn't The Answer To The Children's Mental Health Crisis. But It Could Help

Resilience – or the ability to cope when something difficult or bad has happened – is one of those things that we know is important for our kids to learn and build on throughout their lifetimes.

But also, how on earth do you teach that?

With one in five young people (aged 8-25 years old) in England thought to have a mental health disorder, and a health service that’s struggling to cope with demand, a lot of talk has recently shifted to improving children’s resilience as a solution.

While this is in no way a one-size-fits-all solution, experts believe that encouraging better resilience in children and young people would help equip those with low-level mental health problems with improved coping skills.

As psychotherapist and trauma specialist Tina Chummun explains: “While promoting resilience alone won’t resolve the wider children’s mental health crisis, it can play a significant role in equipping children with tools to navigate challenges more effectively.”

The hope is that services would then be freed up to help those with more severe mental health problems or those who are in crisis.

How to build resilience in children

There’s been a huge increase in interest recently around how to build resilience in children – but experts suggest you’ve probably already begun the legwork.

“There isn’t some identifiable point in time that directs us to think ‘alright, I’m going to start building resilience now’,” says therapist and Counselling Directory member Dr Alexandra Nielsen. 

“This all starts from the first time your child cries and you decide how to respond.”

That said, there are things that parents can be mindful of when they are helping to guide their children through difficult times. 

Here’s what therapists recommend.

1. Nurture secure attachments

For Chummun, who is a member of Counselling Directory, it’s crucial that parents and caregivers create a safe and supportive home environment.

Set and reinforce boundaries (because kids definitely need them) but do so in a kind and calm way. Spend quality time with them and encourage them to speak about their feelings. 

“Responsive caregiving helps children feel secure, enabling them to develop trust and emotional regulation,” the psychotherapist explains.

2. Think about how you model the handling of difficult situations in your own life

A key element of supporting resilience in children is for parents to model how they manage their own emotions when experiencing difficulties, says Dr Nielsen, “as this is a natural source of information upon which children base their own benchmarks”.

Dr Chummun agrees: “Children learn by observing parents. Demonstrating healthy ways to cope with stress and emotions teaches children valuable skills for managing their own feelings.”

3. Look after your own wellbeing

Experts are increasingly pointing to how support from, and the resilience of, others is crucially important in building children’s resilience. 

But for lots of parents, the pandemic followed by a cost of living crisis has been extremely difficult to live through, with challenge after challenge thrown our way – and many of us forgot to put on our own life jackets first.

The latest Modern Families Index (MFI), published by Bright Horizons Family Solutions this week, surveyed 3,000 working parents and found almost one third report high or extreme levels of stress.

According to journalist Jennifer Breheny Wallace, the author of Never Enough, the “number one intervention” for any child in distress is to make sure the primary caregiver’s wellbeing, mental health and support system is in tact.

“Because a child’s resilience rests on their caregiver’s resilience – and caregiver resilience rests on the depth and support of their relationships,” she told Good Morning America.

Professor Andrea Danese, an expert in child and adolescent psychiatry from King’s College London, echoed this sentiment, telling the BBC that resilience in kids is also about the support they receive from friends, family and community.

However he pointed to the fact that community-based activities and events in particular are becoming few and far between due to lack of funding. 

3. Try not to distract your child from stress

If your child hurts themselves, someone says something unkind to them or they are struggling with school work, it might be easier to just distract them with a toy, outing or to change the subject, but Dr Nielsen advises against this as it can “make it harder for children to sit with difficult things”.

While these are tough moments in time, they are also the crucial moments when a child can be learning how to address them and how to adapt, she suggests. 

Instead, she urges parents to be “curious” with their child: ”Remember, you don’t always have to fix it for them. And no one’s saying that’s comfortable; in fact, it can be very, very uncomfortable.”

4. Help your child find solutions instead

Experts support the strategy of allowing children to face age-appropriate challenges and supporting them in finding solutions rather than immediately intervening.

“This builds self-efficacy and confidence,” says Chummun.

Can schools help?

Schools have an important role to play in this, as do parents and communities – it’s a team effort. “School-based mental health promotion programs can universally enhance children’s resilience,” says Chummun.

Universal, school-based programs which teach children strategies such as positive self-talk, problem-solving and emotional regulation that aim to boost resilience have “shown promising results”.

And studies have found that such interventions can lead to reduced aggression, stress and improved academic performance in students.

The therapist concludes: “Building resilience is a lifelong process, but the foundations laid in childhood have far-reaching implications. By starting early, engaging schools and using evidence-based strategies, we can help children build the emotional strength they need to navigate life’s challenges.”