Harriette Cole: I’m tired of other people telling my story for me
DEAR HARRIETTE: Lately, I’ve been finding myself feeling boxed in as I’m trying to get to know myself better and figure out what I like and who I want to be.
I keep getting reminders from old friends of who I was. It feels like I’m not allowed to change.
I can’t be in new settings without hearing someone tell my story for me or tell people what I like. I’m still figuring out what I like!
My longtime friends seem to think they know me better than I know myself. I’m not totally sure why it makes me so angry, but it does. I guess I just don’t like being subjected to such narrow or outdated narratives.
Do I set them straight, or is this a sign that I need to move on?
— Reassessing
DEAR REASSESSING: Allow yourself space to figure out your next steps, and forgive your friends, as they are simply reflecting back to you what you have shown them about yourself.
Don’t be mad at them; just focus on this next phase of your life.
Ask yourself what you want. Meditate on this moment, and pay attention so that you notice signs of how to move forward. Test out options that come to mind, including activities to do and interests to explore.
You can also tell your friends that you appreciate them and that you need their patience. You are in transition mode and are determining how you want to spend your time moving forward.
DEAR HARRIETTE: The past year has been full of change for me … way too much change.
Early last year, I lost my job. It was a job I had nurtured for the past 25 years, a place I’d been attached to since I graduated college, a job that saw me get married and have two children. That was a hard loss.
Not long after, my youngest child graduated from high school and went away to college. Both of my boys are away now, and my husband has a demanding schedule.
Career loss and empty-nesting have been weighing heavily on me, and it’s even impacting my friendships. I miss my friends, but I don’t know how to show up or be positive anymore.
I want to feel better. I want to change my circumstances, but I don’t know where to start. What should I do?
— Pivot Point
DEAR PIVOT POINT: Many people suffer an emotional crisis when they become empty-nesters. It is natural, though it can be uncomfortable. Couple that with your job loss, and it’s no wonder that you are feeling unsure of your next steps.
You need to find constructive ways to fill your time. What are your interests? Do you have hobbies? Look in your community for organizations and causes that appeal to you, and reach out to them to volunteer. Get involved in an activity that will occupy your time and your mind for several hours each day. You may discover a whole new career path by putting yourself out there.
Also consider therapy. A lot has changed in your world this year. Talk with a therapist about your feelings, hopes and desires, and work toward creating an action plan for this next chapter in your life.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.