When I tried having the sex talk with my kids, they asked me sensitive questions I wasn't expecting. I struggled to be truthful.

• My parents never gave me a proper sex talk, so I vowed to do better for my kids.
• But my kids asked me more complicated questions about abortion and same-sex relationships.
• I struggled to answer them, but I took the time to step away and come back with better answers.

What I remember about the birds and the bees conversation during my childhood is foggy at best. My parents never really took the time to explain the ins and outs of having sex, and most of what I knew I learned from other people.

My conservative family didn't put an emphasis on conversations like that. When I started asking where babies come from, my mother told me that a woman has a seed in her that a man waters, and then babies are made.

The talk lasted about five seconds, and we were on to the next thing. Thinking about that experience made me want to be a better parent for my kids. In important conversations like that, I decided I would go above and beyond to explain things to their satisfaction.

The sex talk didn't go how I had planned

As a parent, I've always worked hard to make information accessible to my children. I spent a lot of time researching how to have sex conversations as a father, and I was ready for the questions when they came.

The sex talk may be a one-time conversation for most people, but I wanted to have it as many times as my kids saw fit. After all, it was an opportunity to talk about anatomy, safety, conception, pleasure, consent, contraception, intimacy, and more.

Despite all the preparation, when the time came — when they were around 12 — to have the talk with my kids, I struggled. They were asking about sex changes and my stance on sensitive topics like abortion. They wondered about Planned Parenthood, same-sex encounters, and much more.

Their questions were miles away from what I expected. I wasn't ready for what they knew and felt like some of my opinions were too strong to share with my kids.

I struggled to give the answers that my kids wanted to hear and had to really think about what I wanted to say.

I took a step away, and that helped

Instead of answering my kids' surprise, tough questions on the spot, I told them I needed to think and would get back to them.

When I stepped away, I thought about my parents and how they were not able to have the sex talk in a satisfactory way. Most of my anxiety resulted from how I grew up and the conversations I had with my parents, and I didn't want my kids to feel the way I did. I want them to grow up into independent, well-informed adults. The only way to do this is to educate them on the things that matter.

So, I decided to be honest and tell my kids the truth.

After a couple of days of reflecting, my wife and I sat our kids down and answered what we could. We had these conversations many times, addressing everything that the kids wanted to know and guiding them in the way we felt best.

Taking time to consider my answers really helped

In having the sex talk(s) with my kids, I realized it's important for both parents to show up — if possible. My wife saved the day when I was ill-prepared with some answers, and she shared experiences I never had.

I also found that having conversations about consent and respect was most important. In that way, my son understood why boundaries are important with the opposite sex, and my daughters learned to give or deny consent before anything happens.

Finally, I didn't have all the answers at the moment, and it's perfectly OK to think about what you want to say before you say it. Taking time helped me address issues from my kids' point of view rather than a general perspective.

It's OK to be nervous, and trusting my ability to communicate with my kids on complicated issues is key. Honest, compassionate, and shame-free conversations will always get you far with the young ones.

I'm giving myself grace as a parent

The world as we know it has changed, and kids are growing up faster than we care to admit. Finding teachable moments for a parent is the best thing we can do for our young ones.

I now realize that it's a journey; there's no handbook to it. I'm bound to make mistakes along the way.

The sex talk is probably one of the most significant conversations that I'll have with my kids. I may not have done so great with it in the beginning, but I hope they will still come to me whenever they need answers.