I loved being a stay-at-home mom. Now that my kids are teens, I regret losing my identity in the early years.

• It was always my dream, but raising two kids as a stay-at-home mom was harder than I thought.
• I lost my identity during my kids' infant and toddler years, and getting it back took work.
• My kids are teens now, and I love to see new moms holding onto their own identities and interests.

I was 27 when I had my first baby, and like most people in their late 20s, I thought I had everything figured out. I'd been raised in a conservative church environment where women were taught their main purpose was to become a wife and then a mother. My husband and I had been married for a few years when we decided to start our family. Bringing a baby into our home felt, at the time, like I was finally fulfilling my purpose.

When my son was 2, I gave birth to our daughter. Our family was complete, and I felt proud I'd locked down a husband and had two babies before 30. All that was left to do was enjoy motherhood — or so I thought.

I love being a mom, but early on, I lost myself

Being a mom has always come easy to me, but in those tear-filled, sleepless infant and toddler years, motherhood had a cost. Now in my 40s with two teenagers, I see how I lost my own identity somewhere between hand-sewing Halloween costumes and scheduling park playdates. Rediscovering who I was at my core was tough once I realized I was lost in mom life, but I'm proof it's possible.

Before I had kids, I acted in community theater, went to a monthly book club, traveled, and maintained things like nail and hair appointments. I also had a career. In an office. Where I interacted with other adult humans daily. When my babies arrived, there was no time for reading, acting, or leaving my neighborhood. I traded salon mani-pedis and pricey blonde hair for drugstore polish and some pretty bad home-hair-dye mishaps.

I don't regret being a stay-at-home mom, though it took a toll

My dad, who was my best friend, died unexpectedly when my first child was an infant, and in one of our last conversations, he admonished me to quit my job. "Babies are only small for a little while, Terri," he told me, "this is time you'll never get back." Two weeks later, my dad was gone, and a mixture of grief and thinking his advice was sound led me to quit a job I adored — an executive director position at a non-profit organization — and become a stay-at-home mom. I don't regret it, but that doesn't mean it wasn't incredibly difficult.

There are so many perks to losing yourself in being a mommy to two small humans. The memories, love, and closeness I still share with my kids to this day make those difficult years of wiping butts, handling toddler tantrums at the grocery store, and navigating the surprisingly icky world of making mom "friends" worth it.

Today, my kids are approaching 17 and 15, and I'd give up almost anything to rock my thumb-sucking baby girl to sleep or hear my toddler son mispronounce "yogurt" one more time. But I'm also glad to have myself back — to know that I'm a mom and a billion other things, from a frequent world traveler to a secret lover of smutty romance novels.

Remembering who I was pre-motherhood was tough, but worth it

A lot of things broke in my life before I rediscovered myself. My marriage suffered in my kids' elementary school years. I started therapy, made tough decisions to distance myself from my family for mental health reasons, took control of my health and lost 100 pounds, and, most recently, stopped drinking alcohol completely. But it wasn't just big changes that helped me rediscover myself. I chipped and chiseled away at my exterior of being "Bennet and Kennedy's mom" to find someone who loves long walks outside, thrifting, keeping a small circle of trusted friends, and cooking. I'm still their mom, but it's not the most interesting thing about me, and that makes me a better mom to them both.

These days, I'm blown away by young moms who refuse to let go of their identity. I hear them on podcasts, see them in my community, and watch them on social media as they parent and write books, go to movie theaters, travel kid-free with their spouse, and schedule a mid-day massage while someone else looks after their kids.

I wish I'd had moms like that in my life when I was younger, but since I didn't, I'm always the first to tell new moms it's OK to take time for themselves in whatever form is meaningful for them. The young moms I cheer the hardest for are the ones I see holding onto themselves while parenting, because it's the key to it all.