Harriette Cole: A special evening was ruined when she let a cute guy turn her head
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m on a strict budget. A lot has changed for me at home and at work, and as a result, I’ve been socializing much less.
Last week was a close friend’s birthday, and I didn’t want to miss out on celebrating her; I reached out to an old colleague, and he gave me four complimentary suite tickets to a concert. I invited the birthday girl and two of our close friends. She was so flattered.
When we got to the show, one of the other friends noticed a guy checking her out and went over to talk to him. She told us to go ahead without her, and she’d meet us at our seats. She never did.
At the end of the night, she showed up, telling us all about this cute, kind stranger, totally oblivious to the fact that the night was supposed to be in honor of one of our friends.
It really bothered me. Despite my current personal struggles, I wanted to give my friend a special evening; meanwhile, our other friend couldn’t care less.
Part of me is peeved because I haven’t spent time with my friends in a long time. I went out of my way to create a fun evening for us, and she didn’t even bother to stay near us.
Am I being ridiculous here, or should I say something?
— Mates Before Dates
DEAR MATES BEFORE DATES: Was the birthday girl upset? Is your friend known for straying? You need to pause and assess your reaction to this situation. Yes, you could be overreacting.
Sure, your friend should have been there with the group, but it might not be so awful for her to hang out with a cool guy she met. How do your other friends feel about it?
Before you ask, reflect carefully on what happened. What was the general feeling about the evening? If everyone else had a great time, let it go.
If they were also upset, say something. But you do need to accept that when you give a gift, you give it freely with no expectation.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am struggling right now, emotionally and financially. My tenants haven’t paid their rent in months!
I try to remain passive about it, as I am relying on the legal system to settle this issue, but my son is infuriated.
Every day we see our tenants get dressed, head to work, bring home groceries, order takeout, host guests and game nights and so much more. They are rude to us when we cross paths. They seem to have no shame about not paying, and the more arrogant they are toward us, the harder it is to temper my son’s rage.
How can I get him to recognize how critical it is for him to get a handle on his demeanor? I don’t want to give anyone any reason to sympathize with or justify our tenants’ behavior.
— Overstayed Welcome
DEAR OVERSTAYED WELCOME: First, you must be sure to provide formal written notice of the amount of rent that is overdue and give a deadline by which it must be paid. Be sure to save copies of all correspondence you send them. If they do not pay by the deadline, consult a lawyer about how to initiate eviction proceedings.
If you do not want to go the eviction route, create a plan of attack. Contact the police and document the crime your tenants are committing in not paying rent. Get on the record. Reach out to local media — call the newspapers and TV and radio stations — and out these people for the criminals they are.
Create a sincere social media blast that describes in detail what these people have been doing and what the impact has been on your lives. Tag them on your posts. Don’t say anything that is untrue or that you cannot prove in case they attempt to retaliate.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.