'I Returned My Husband's Anniversary Gift After 1 Comment. Was I Wrong?'

Though there are plenty of (terrifying) stats about the price of a wedding in the UK, it’s much harder to find out how much people fork out for their anniversaries. 

But for all milestone events, a third of Brits feel that gifts are the most expensive part. 

Among wedded couples, though, this dynamic is unique; after all, most couples share finances, meaning (very common) arguments about money can ensue following a gift meant to celebrate the pair’s wedding. 

That’s what happened to Redditor u/Nearby_Zebra_8889, whose beautiful new necklace set, given on her and her partner’s 10-year anniversary, has caused more stress than delight. 

So, we spoke to the founder of Etiquette Expert, Jo Hayes, about whether (and when) it’s ever okay to return a gift. 

The original poster (OP) often argued with her husband about money

OP wrote that she and her husband had argued a lot about money in the previous years, mostly due to his spending. 

Recently, though, they hit their 10-year anniversary; he bought her a very beautiful necklace set, which she loved. 

But when OP’s husband saw her going about her day without wearing the jewellery, he was upset and complained that she should “at least” wear the set he said he’d gone “hungry” paying for. 

So, she asked her husband how much the set cost. He revealed the sum, which OP says was enough to cover many of their bills (the couple had been struggling financially). 

She is thinking of returning the gift as a result of his comment about how much he’s struggled to pay for it, asking the members of the forum, “AITA [Am I The Asshole]?”

The couple need counselling, the expert says

Hayes told us that in this particular case, the couple likely need some intervention; counselling might be a good choice. 

And “From an etiquette expert’s perspective, this situation is not the ‘typical’, ‘is it ok if I return this gift?’ scenario, mainly because the gift giver is essentially using the receiver’s own funds to purchase the gift,” she said.

In this unusual example, she shared, it’s “understandable” that the wife is prioritising paying bills over donning bling.

But for a “standard” case, you should ask yourself some questions before returning the gift. 

Do you have a receipt, for instance? If not, don’t bother. Are you super close to the gifter? Then you might need to try “politely, graciously, speaking to them about the possibility of returning” an unwanted pressie. 

If they’re not close, though, discretion is your best bet.

Still, a reassuring insight: “As to the ethics of returning a gift: Essentially it’s fine,” Hayes wrote. 

“A gift is a token of appreciation, love, or thanks, from one person to another. As such, the item should be something that is welcomed by the giftee and given with no strings attached.”

She ended, “It’s meant to be something that ‘adds value’ to, or benefits, the giftee’s life. If it’s something they don’t want, they should feel free to swap it. Or give it away (re-gifting is also, usually, ethically A-OK).”