This Generation Of Parents Are 'Cycle-Breakers' – A Therapist Explains Why The Tide Is Turning Now

When a millennial opened up about “breaking the cycle” after being raised by “boomers”, they sparked a conversation about the ways in which some parents are choosing to bring up their kids in completely different ways to how they were parented. 

The parent wrote on Reddit: “I am in therapy, for the record, and I am trying to heal myself (I witnessed a messy divorce and 24 years later my parents still yell at each other and put me and my siblings in the middle) so I can be a good functioning parent for my kid. Anyone like me? Anyone trying to break the cycle?”

And it turns out: yes. Quite a lot, actually. A recent Kiddie Academy survey of 2,000 parents with kids up to six years old revealed Gen Z parents are favouring “cycle-breaking” parenting, according to The Independent.

The research revealed 41% of Gen Z parents follow this rule, which focuses on healing their own trauma and not repeating parenting patterns they experienced growing up. 

Trauma can describe any stressful, frightening or distressing events that are difficult to cope with or out of your control, per mental health charity Mind. 

Different people are impacted by events in different ways. Trauma might leave you feeling frightened, humiliated, rejected, abandoned, invalidated, ashamed or powerless. 

There has been a major shift over the years, where more parents are opting to do a complete 180 on how they were parented. For those who faced trauma growing up, there’s been growing recognition of this – and a strong desire to turn the tide for future generations so history doesn’t simply repeat itself, and the cycle goes on and on. 

When HuffPost UK contacted Counselling Directory to ask if their members – comprising counsellors and therapists – had noticed such a shift, 99% of 106 members who responded said it was something they had observed among millennial clients.

Off the back of the poll, Counselling Directory member Tina Chummun told HuffPost UK: “In my work as a psychotherapist, I’m absolutely seeing a growing wave of millennial parents who are deeply committed to breaking the cycle of generational trauma.”

Why is this happening now?

We live in an era where more people are accessing therapy and talking about mental health is becoming much less taboo than it once was. Celebrities talk about mental illness, charities raise awareness through targeted weeks and influencers candidly share their stories.

Not only this, but psychological insight is no longer limited to therapy rooms or academic journals. Millennial and Gen Z parents have so much more information at their fingertips than their own parents would have. 

“Social media, podcasts and platforms like ChatGPT have made ideas about trauma, attachment and emotional regulation widely available – often in bite-sized, relatable ways,” said Chummun.

On top of all this, “economic instability, political turbulence, and collective traumas like the pandemic have also amplified the urgency to raise children who are resilient, emotionally literate and able to self-regulate (self-soothe, self-manage and self-cope)”, noted the therapist.

It has all come together to form a perfect storm of cycle-breakers. 

The therapist suggested millennial parents – especially those in therapy, which is also more widely accessible now compared to decades ago – are “questioning cultural scripts that once went unchallenged”.

“Instead of obedience, they’re choosing connection. Instead of fear-based discipline, they’re choosing emotional regulation and co-regulation. Instead of ‘because I said so’, they’re offering emotional attunement, boundaries and repair,” she said.

The once popular route of authoritarian parenting (a strict approach. Think: kids are seen and not heard), is giving way to authoritative parenting (a warmer approach which still prioritises limits and fair disclipline) and, similarly, gentle parenting (which centres around empathy, respect, understanding, and setting firm boundaries). In its place, there is also permissive parenting – often mistaken for gentle parenting – a style focused on parental warmth, and less on rules and punishment, which has drawn criticism towards those who “never say ‘no’ to their kids”.

The benefits of breaking the cycle

Chummun acknowledges that “breaking generational cycles is both liberating and exhausting” for parents.

“It requires emotional labour, self-reflection and the courage to confront family narratives that may never be validated by older relatives,” she said.

“But the payoff is profound: they are modelling vulnerability, empathy and healthy boundaries – the building blocks of secure attachment as outlined in John Bowlby’s attachment theory (the foundational psychological model for understanding how all human relationships form and function).”

And the ripple effect of this on future generations is not to be underestimated.

“Children raised in emotionally attuned environments are more likely to develop strong self-worth, lower anxiety and better coping skills, which reduces the likelihood of them perpetuating cycles of shame or suppression,” said the therapist.

“In neuroscience terms, it’s about creating new neural pathways in the brain, rewiring the brain toward safety and connection instead of fear and hypervigilance (as per our survival brain) – and those patterns can echo forward for decades.”

This work is not done with ‘resentment’ for their parents – but with ‘clarity’ and even ‘grief’

One of the powerful things Chummun is witnessing in the therapy room is that among those millennial parents opting to break the cycle, “many of them aren’t doing this with resentment toward their own parents, but with clarity and sometimes grief”.

“They’re starting to understand that intergenerational trauma is often passed down unconsciously, not maliciously,” she said.

“But now, they’re waking up. They’re educating themselves, seeking therapy and raising children with emotional language, vulnerabilities, presence and choice – things they themselves never received.”

She describes these generations of millennials and Gen Z cycle-breakers as the “pivot generation”.

“They are breaking the trauma cycle from being passed down through their children. It’s named as ‘conscious parenting’. It’s hard and holy work. They’re parenting not just their children, but re-parenting their own inner child too.”