What Is a 'Lavender Marriage'? Viral Term Explained
You might have seen the term “lavender marriage” trending on TikTok or come up in conversation lately. Not sure what it means? We’ll be breaking it down for you.
The term has roots in queer culture, and has actually been around for decades, but it’s making a comeback for a new generation.
Keep reading to find out more…
A “lavender marriage” refers to a union between a man and a woman, where one or both of the partners are queer, and the relationship isn’t necessarily romantic or sexual.
Historically, these kinds of marriages were a way for LGBTQ+ people to protect their safety and privacy in societies where living openly wasn’t acceptable.
They were seen as a “survival strategy” for those who risked discrimination and possible criminalization if their sexuality was discovered, per Feeld.
The term “lavender” has long been linked to queerness, as noted by The Knot: it was used as far back as the early 1900s, when Hollywood stars like Rock Hudson reportedly entered into such marriages to protect their public image.
Today, the idea around the union has evolved, and some Gen Z and millennial queer people are turning lavender marriages into practical partnerships based on friendship, emotional intimacy and shared financial and societal goals.
@jacobmhoff Follow and Share! @Samantha Wynn Greenstone #lavendermarriage #relationship ♬ original sound – Jacob Hoff
Some reasons might include the cost of living, financial and legal benefits, co-parenting, and an emphasis on companionship over traditional romance.
Lavender marriages may appeal to those seeking stability without the traditional expectations of marriage.
“Despite the absence of romantic love, individuals in lavender marriages often share a profound bond of friendship, respect, and mutual support,” notes Marriage.com.
Check out some explainers above and inside…
@annaboebana Replying to @Marzinha ♬ Storytelling – Adriel
@pinknews What is a lavender marriage, and why are they so popular? The concept of ‘lavender marriages’ emerged as a result of this, several decades ago. A lavender marriage is assumed to be a ‘marriage of convenience’ (MoC) to mask the sexual orientation of one or both partners. They date back to the early 20th century, and refer to a heterosexual marriage where one or both parties are actually LGBTQ+ and keeping their sexuality a secret. This would often be due to social stigma, family expectations or having to keep up a certain image. These marriages were prevalent in Hollywood in the 1920s, when actors were pressured by ‘morality clauses’ to maintain public appearances. One example of this is Rock Hudson's marriage to Phyllis Gates. The concept of lavender marriage has broken into the mainstream, notably in the film 2022 Badhaai Do, which features a gay man and a lesbian woman who marry to appease their families. Lavender marriage has now become a trend on social media, especially TikTok. The concept has roots in societal pressure and hiding who you truly are. However, now in the 21st Century with rising costs of living, ‘lavender marriage’ is evolving into something that is more about creating stability and shared support systems. Gen Z are shifting the focus to financial security and reliable companionship. Behind the apparent wholesome aspect of lavender marriages, there is an underlying devastating truth. They are arguably a symptom of a deeply flawed system and homophobic society. Whether it is an unstable economy and lack of social support, or having to hide your sexuality to keep up appearances, the motivations for lavender marriages do not seem to be decreasing anytime soon. #lgbtq #lavendermarriage #genz #politics #marriage #gay #lesbian #badhaaido ♬ Piano music(806606) – Draganov89
@drjoekort #lavendermarriage #mixedorientationmarriage #straightspouse #gayspouse ♬ original sound – The Real Joe Kort, PhD
@jessicaoutofthecloset Queer History 101: part 1. What is a #LavenderMarriage? ???? #learnontiktok #queerhistory #lesbiantiktok #lgbtq #1950sstyle ♬ Pink Champagne – Lionel Newman (conductor), 20th Century-Fox Symphony Orchestra
@shamandurek Thought it was lavender? Plot twist. It’s just love and legacy ???? ???? #rebelroyals ♬ original sound – Shaman Durek