How ‘purpose anxiety’ affects people and what you can do about it

Q. I am a retired female entrepreneur in my 70s. I sold my business a few years ago, and I still cannot find my next purpose, even with my volunteer commitments and exploration of art. In fact, I am feeling frustrated and a bit anxious. Is this concept of purpose a bit overrated, and why is this so difficult? Thank you. N.M.

The topic is a broad one with numerous books, seminars, retreats, articles and webinars addressing this subject. And it is becoming increasingly relevant as baby boomers transition to retirement in record numbers. 

Let’s begin by talking about the meaning of purpose.

Richard Leider, noted author and executive life coach, believes that purpose comes from us internally. He writes that we are all born with a sense of purpose, our reason to be alive. Rather than a job or role, it is the “cradle-to-grave, round-the-clock unifying orientation of our daily lives. It is our reason for getting up in the morning.” He further writes, “Purpose is that deepest belief within us where we have a profound sense of who we are, where we came from and what we’re here to do.” He adds, that “some never question it and for others it remains unspoken but always is there.”

Psychologists offer another perspective. According to Stanford psychologist William Damon and colleagues quoted in Psychology Today, having a sense of purpose is the intention to accomplish something that is at once meaningful to you and also makes a difference in the world beyond oneself. He adds that it entails achievement, progress or completion. 

Others question if purpose has to involve service to others or can it be something that consistently gives only you great pleasure and meaning? 

We often are encouraged or expected to “find our calling.” If you can’t find it after many tries, it is easy to feel pressured or even anxious, a feeling which reportedly affects 91% of people at some time during their lives. 

As a result, something relatively new has emerged. It’s called purpose anxiety. Psychologist Larissa Rainey published a paper identifying this phenomenon as the “stress, insecurity, fatigue, and frustration that comes from trying to define and achieve one’s life purpose.” 

One of the frustrations is believing that purpose must be defined by the big “P,” which is considered goal-oriented, audacious and unattainable, according to Dr. Jordan Grumet, author of the book, “The Purpose Code.” Instead, he suggests focusing on the little “p’s” that some might call hobbies, such as gardening, singing or finding a job and volunteering.

To eliminate some of the frustration, Grumet suggests reframing how we think about purpose in several ways: 

Realize that having a sense of purpose can change over time; we may have multiple purposes throughout our life stages. And it is not necessarily a single large mission. It may consist of several activities that make you feel fulfilled. Finally, purpose does not have to be found. We can create it by engaging in small activities that boost our energy and joy. 

So, the question remains: is finding your purpose a concept that is oversold? The evidence suggests it’s not. The National Institute of Health reports that when compared to those who lack a sense of purpose, these “purposeful folks” have the following characteristics:

• Less likely to have heart attacks, strokes and dementia.
• Engage in physical exercise and participate in preventive health services. 
• Manage stress and sleep better. 
• Have better cognitive functioning and overall well-being. 
• Live longer. A study found that strong purpose in life was associated with decreased mortality. 

Here are some things to explore, suggested by Dr. Kristen Full, a medical writer specializing in mental health and addiction. 

• Donate your time, money, or talent.
• Find out what you love to do by exploring different interests. Take some risks. 
• Think about what bothers you and identify injustices that bother you the most. 
• Take the initiative and meet new people. 
• Meet with those who you think are doing something that piques your interest.
• Surround yourself only with positive folks. 

Yet, with all of the evidence that purpose is central to health and well-being, there are many who are leading a meaningful life without ever articulating a sense of purpose. 

Thank you, N.M., for your important question. Keep going, stay relaxed and continue to explore.

A thought: If starting and conducting your business provided a great deal of satisfaction, think about creating something, starting something new or taking on a role that has opportunity. That might be a leadership position that captures your creative and entrepreneurial spirit and drive. 

Stay well and know that kindness simply expands, radiates and then returns in ways you never expect. 

Helen Dennis is a nationally recognized leader on issues of aging and the new retirement with academic, corporate and nonprofit experience. Contact Helen with your questions and comments at Helendenn@gmail.com.  Visit Helen at HelenMdennis.com and follow her on facebook.com/SuccessfulAgingCommunity.